AITAH for feeling insecure about my boyfriends relationship with his ex?
Fake names and slightly altered ages for privacy, I just really need an outside perspective on this because I don’t want to blow this out of proportion.
I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend Sam (24M) for almost a year now but I’ve been friends with him for around two years. He’s honestly been so amazing, and is nothing but supportive, understanding and really kind towards me. I’ve grown really close to his friends as well, who are so welcoming and lovely, including one girl called Ava.
However, a few days ago Sam told me in passing that he and Ava used to date. I have no problem with him being friends with an ex if that's all there is and Ava especially has always been so kind to me. I asked him why he never told me and he said he thought he did but he must have forgotten. He said that they dated around four years ago but he didn’t treat her as well as he should have and then goes on to tell me her life story; how he wishes she knew how kind and charismatic she is, how she's the funniest person he knows, how he wishes she had better friends because her friend is jealous of how she’s the only one who gets hit on at bars because Ava’s much prettier.
He talked about how much he hates her ex boyfriends (he then detailed a few arguments he had with these exes to defend her), and how he sprinted across town to walk her home when she was wearing a revealing outfit. Of course I love how protective he is over his friends (and especially over his friends who are girls) but at the same time it was a lot to hear when he never mentioned that they dated to me at all. All I could do was sit there and wonder if he realised that it sounded like he was still in love with her. I didn’t say anything at the time because I wasn’t sure if I was being crazy about it.
A few days later he wanted me to look for a photo on his Instagram feed, while scrolling through I noticed flirty comments between them that went on way after he said that they dated. I then remembered a month before we started dating that he was talking about how things hadn’t worked out with someone named Ava, so they had just stopped talking, which before this to be honest I had completely forgotten about. I remember once at a party him being really short with me while I was talking to him. For about ten minutes he was only focused on her, standing there and watching Ava on the other side of the room. At the time she was talking to her friend and when I asked about it Sam said he was just making sure she was okay and safe, this confused me because it was only her, her friend and her friend's boyfriend there, no one we didn’t trust. He was holding her purse for her. I also remember one time Ava’s phone died and she didn’t respond to any messages for an hour on a night out. We live in a safe area but everyone was still understandably worried. Sam was more worried than her family. He was losing his mind terrified. He’s kind to me but he’s never talked about me like he talks about Ava. I asked him what his favourite thing about me was and he said I was quirky. I don’t want to make him sound like a bad person because he’s so so kind to me and honestly this is the first issue we’ve ever had.
Should I be this upset about it? I really need an outside perspective, I honestly don’t know. There’s more but this is long enough as is. I’m so in love with him and I’m terrified that I’m going to be blindsided and I just can't handle that. To clarify I’m not worried he's cheating on me at all, he’d never do that, I’m just worried that he loves her.