My (34M) ex (32F) and I divorced when my son (6yo) was 1 and he has never known us to be together. We share custody (even 50/50 split) with him spending a week at my house and a week at her house. Our parenting plan specifies specific holidays to each of us and we generally get along fine, however all communication is through email or text.
This coming weekend is Mother’s Day and my ex has custody. However my wife and I have planned a camping/float trip on the same weekend. Several of my son’s older cousins will be coming on the trip (ages 13, 10, & 8) and I know my son would want to go. In an attempt to not hurt his feelings, I have not told him about the camping trip.
I did ask my ex if she would be willing to trade weekends so that he could come on the camping trip. We have previously adjusted our schedules so our son could go to events. However she declined because she wants to have him for Mother’s Day (which is reasonable/normal).
We typically do 3 or more camping trips each summer, so my son will be able to go on the next couple, but I am torn about not telling him about this trip. I am sure this will be a bigger issue as he gets older. My question is should I not tell him about things he is going to miss, or should I start the conversation and explain to him that splitting time between houses will cause him to miss things at both houses. It’s ok to miss things even though we want you to be with us.
For context, my ex and I get along as well as two divorced people can. He has never seen or experienced any disagreement between his mother and I. My son has missed things in the past, but this is the first time I have intentionally not told him about something because he won’t be able to come.