My girlfriend doesn’t initiate sex with me anymore/ intimacy issues
I (19F) and my girlfriend (19f) have been together for 3 years. When we first got together we were taking things pretty slow and we didn’t do more than make out for a year. But once we did start to have sex it felt nice and intimate and she’d tell me she wanted to do certain things to me and it was the same when it came to her. Last summer things between us were pretty rocky bc of my mental health and whenever we did have sex she couldn’t make me finish. She seemed to really take this to heart and it’s happened more than once, and I always made sure to reassure her and I let her know I was just stressed out in life and it wasn’t personal. Slowly she just stopped initiating things with me.
We got to college and we would still have pretty good sex it was just always kind of focused towards her, I would be the giver and she would be the receiver. Whenever I want her to do something to me I have to ask, and I have no problem asking it’s just she tells me how much she misses my hands and misses my mouth, but never tells me she misses touching me or kissing me. And slowly foreplay just kind of went out the window too.
We didn’t really kiss before sex anymore, and when I would kiss her or try to make out the way we used to she seems stiff not really interested or into it. And that kinda just made me stop. When we have sex I would kiss her neck and suck on her chest and do the things that seemed to turn her on but the lack of kissing always got to me. Sometimes our sex just started with me eating her out no kissing or build up and she seems perfectly ok with it. I just want her to do things because she wants to and I told her about how I feel and I told her things feel transactional, and she told me she’s taking a break from things being focused on her but if I wanted anything we could?
But that’s not really the issue nor what I’m looking for it’s not that I’m not enjoying sex or not getting enough, it’s just sex no longer feels as special or intimate or engaging as it did and that’s what I look for when I’m having sex. Even when things are focused on me after I ask, I can feel the anxiety from her like she’ll want me to walk her through it all step by step but a big part of sex is just feeling, and I do walk her through it, it’s just she’ll say things like “you’re not talking to me” but it’s kind of hard to talk while getting tongued down. She’s so worried about me having a good time that it doesn’t really seem like she’s really into it, it feels pretty like neutral.
Like she’ll ask what I want her to do and she’ll just start doing it, but I want her too look at me and do the things she wants to do to me because she wants me, I’ll even say things like you’re doing a good job and she’ll reply with you don’t have to tell me that. She doesn’t make me feel very wanted and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt a lot. But it’s complicated because she verbally expresses wanting me when it comes to her receiving or things I can do to her.