Please share advice on how to cope as a parent
I am waiting to get assessed for autism after my 2.5 year old displayed some behaviours that led me to reflect on my own as I investigated how to help them.
My issue is that since they entered toddlerhood I’ve been having breakdowns pretty regularly, 3-4 days out of the week, sometimes multiple times a day. The main triggers being the constant touching, noise and defiance. Didn’t help that as they entering the toddler stage I had to have a life saving surgery where I lost a pregnancy, about half a year after that I got pregnant again (have an infant now) and in my first trimester my dad died. After that cluster of live events my resilience to day to day struggles reduced significantly. We also moved homes shortly after my youngest was born and after that I’m also struggling physically to do most things. And now I’m here feeling not fit to be a mom at all and unsure how to move forward.
My husband works a job and a gig, studies and helps elderly parents while also helping our family. I don’t have family around and I don’t have any friends to even talk to. Friends and family of my husband sometimes help us out but it’s sparse, and I struggle to handle that help because it comes with social ties that are exhausting to me as I think about them too much and try hard in all encounters, as well as toddler acting up more or shutting down around others in a way that I find stressful to handle.
I am excited to get toddler help but I’m uncertain how much help that’ll be if I’m having such a hard time at home as I’m in charge of their day to day.
Please share any insight on how to get out of the hole I’m in. I’m barely figuring out how to help my own sensory sensitivities to not become increasingly agitated on the daily, but I’m not sure there is a way to handle the unpredictable nature of toddlers with similar tools.
To emphasize, I am looking for advice from neurodivergent parents about how to cope with parenting and its challenges. Please do not offer advice geared towards my child. Please no advice from neurotypical parents of autistic or otherwise neurodivergent children.
I cross posted this.
Edit: Thank you all for making me feel like I can trust myself in what I’m experiencing, means a lot as someone who's only now beginning this journey.