I loved him?
I have no one to shamelessly say to, that my assaulter is the only one for me in my eyes. He is the only guy I want and nobody can compare. It felt amazing to finally have a male friend, where our relationship wasn't teetering over the edge of it being complicated or a way to use me. It was going to be a genuine connection. He wouldn't hurt me or leave me to rot.
Then he molested me and my feelings exploded overnight. I fell in love with him only after what he did. I fantasized about him. I hoped this meant he loved me too. Then he went and moved on.
I feel so alone without him. My heart beats when I see him. I think about him every day. I feel utmost dread and jealousy just thinking about him and his new girlfriend.
And at the end of it all I was just some girl for a part of his long fulfilling life. I am left with nothing.
It will be 2 years. I am still in love with my molester.