So my boyfriend of 5 years has had a serious problem with porn since the beginning of our relationship. He was really addicted, used porn as stress relief, and got deeper and deeper into all sorts of unhealthy taboo fetish stuff. It became a compulsion to him. He didn't want to look at that stuff, but it felt as if he didn't have a choice. It had gotten to a point where he couldn't get off when he was intimate with me, unless he thought about the porn fetish things. The betrayal I felt when I first found out about this, is something that I'll never forget.
Now it's a few years later and we've been in therapy together for a while. The last time he watched porn is 7 months ago. He also says he doesn't have compulsive sexual thoughts anymore. Still though, I sort of just have a feeling... A few days ago I asked him what he usually thinks about when he's jerking off, and he revealed that he thinks about the fetish stuff again sometimes. He says he thinks its not in the unhealthy, compulsive way that it used to be, but in a healthy 'exploring his sexuality' type way. Nevertheless, this set all sorts of alarm bells off in my head. Is he thinking about it when we're intimate too? Is he watching porn again? He was really defensive about it all and got mad when I tried to dig deeper, so yeah I'm just left wondering.
Please please please give me advice, how can I tell if he's relapsing? What signs should I look for? He's in tech, and is much better at hiding stuff digitally than I am at finding it, so sadly going through his phone won't get me anywhere.