My boyfriend cut off his best friend after I spoke up, and I can’t stop feeling guilty
Throwaway account because he knows my main.
My boyfriend (26M) had a female best friend (25F) before we got together a few months ago. They had a rocky relationship a couple of months before we got together but eventually reconnected and stayed in contact.
From the start of our relationship, I (25F) felt uneasy about her. She has a history of crossing boundaries in my life: years ago, while I was dating my ex, she flirted with him on multiple occasions, and after we broke up she ended up dating him. She is still with him now.
More recently, my boyfriend told me she made comments about me, including implying that I was only with him because he gave me attention first. That really hurt because it wasn't true at all: I've been single for 2 years and have tried dating other guys lately, but none of them have made me feel the way he does.
I told my boyfriend I wasn't trying to control who he's friends with, but I wasn't okay with someone repeatedly disrespecting me like that. I said that if she kept doing it, I expected him to stand up for me.
After that, there was another similar situation where she talked badly about me after he told her to stop doing it; he ended up confronting her and cutting contact. He says he doesn't trust her anymore and feels like she was misrepresenting me.
The problem is I feel awful about it. He later told me she was really important to him during a difficult period in his life before we were close, and I never wanted him to lose that. I keep thinking that if I hadn't said anything, they would still be friends and I wouldn't have caused this.
I know he made his own decision, but I still feel like I pushed him into it, and I don't know if I overstepped or if I was just setting a normal boundary. I tried asking him about it and he said that he's fine with things as they are, and that he wouldn't reach out to her if we ever broke up, but I still can't help feeling guilty.