I saw her (again)
Ok so for a little bit of context this isn’t the first time this has happened and I would also just like to point out that this is my first post here so if I did anything wrong please let me know and I’ll fix it.
I’m 20 years old I haven’t started oestrogen yet because im currently stuck on a 2 month wait list to get my blood taken and go through everything.
(I live in south australia around adelaide obv wont share my exact whereabouts idk if that makes it make anymore sense)
I came out to a friend well we both came out to each other at the same time but anyways we both came out as Trans fem in late 2025 so probably six or seven ish months ago.
(i mean that seriously, i hate all the 67 jokes)
and roughly 3 months later I made a post and came out to my entire family which was hard i was shaking and sweating the whole time but the next day it felt like a huge weight had been lifted.
I never went to my parents for help because I had a rough childhood abusive father etc, he hasnt spoken to me since i came out but this isnt the first time he’s disowned me so its meh.
but I always felt weird and growing up around majority male friends I never fit in, there were also several hints growing up like never wanting short hair wanting to grow it out, letting my sister paint my nails and playing with barbies, never going topless in pools even around close family and friends, always sitting down when going to the loo.
I really hate and despise my body so much to the point where I’ve had multiple therapists and suicidal thoughts are a very common occurrence throughout my day to day life not all of it is my body though some of it is the aforementioned abusive father.
when I came out to everyone that day I had so many phone calls from family in Sydney my auntie my grandma all saying congrats and asking me what id like to be called from now on.
mum wasn’t so supportive and still calls me by my dead name.
but I was able to fall asleep that night and have a dream where i got to see myself in my own body and it was so euphoric it gave me a lot of hope for the future and then I had another dream last night and I’m just overjoyed atm.
It really helps to motivate me to do anything really, I struggle with eating, sleeping, waking up, just having a normal life and atm its helping me with my current situation of losing my job and needing to go live with my parents again.
I mean the dreams aren’t all good cause waking up and seeing his face every morning is disgusting, I haven’t even had a relationship or even had sex because I strongly believe that this isn’t me Ihate my current self that much and I dont want to be in a relationship until I am comfortable with myself and how I look and I just really want to start hrt and get bottom surgery and get laser treatment but I have awhile to wait I have no doubt that it will all be worth it and I really look froward to waking up one day and seeing the real me.