u/Impressive_Stock4760

thats kind of the short of it. i feel like a failure. just a huge failure

my entire life ive always been the smart one, always getting good grades, always having big aspirations. nowadays i can just barely make it to school, and if i do, i can barely make it through the day.

im tired

im tired of being tired

no matter how much i rest, be it for physical health or mental health, im constantly exhausted

i dont know whats wrong with me. im on medication, ive been to inpatient mental health facilities twice, ive done outpatient after both of them, i have friends that support me, my family supports me and would do anything for me, my cat cares about me and cuddles me when i feel especially down, i take part in tabletop games with my friends every monday

my bloodwork is fine, i eat enough, i go to physical therapy, i sleep enough, i drink enough water, i dont use recreational drugs or drink or vape/smoke, i exercise when i can despite my pain, i bathe and take care of myself, i have accommodations at school

everything says i should be fine, everything says i should be able to make it through a single day of school. and yet i just cant. i cant do any schoolwork, i can't fix my grades or myself

i feel like a failure and i just want to do well. i want to move to sweden. i want to become a criminal defense lawyer or a paralegal. i want to be able to function. i want to have a future but it feels like if i cant get it together now then im throwing it away

just last semester i had a 3.9 gpa and now i have 3 Cs and one A. those grades will definitely be going down by next week. i cant do anything anymore. i cant pull it together and i feel like im going to just be unemployed forever and have to live with my parents and be a burden

im so tired. i had state testing last week, i had state testing today, and i have another state test later this week. im so tired. im overwhelmed. everything hurts.

maybe i should preface this by saying i have a lot of health issues, both mental, physical, and a combination of the two. i have chronic fatigue, as well as horrible anxiety, functional/psychogenic seizures, and a combo of ptsd and ocd that causes me to feel like i need to be perfect and do everything right. i have more issues, but there are the only relevant ones

because i have chronic fatigue, its hard to do large tests. im completely wiped out after them, both physically and mentally. having anxiety makes me worry before the test, and even after the test. then i start worrying about the next test. i feel like i have to go above and beyond to be worthy of anything, and if i dont, im a failure and/or a bad person.

i finished my third state test today. im dreading the next. ive made it through one singular day last week, and that was monday. since then, i havent managed to make it to more than one class after testing, if that.

the staff in the counseling centre at my school are very familiar with me, since i end up there a lot for a multitude of reasons. i ended up going to the counseling centre again after making it to one class

the counselor there told me that just because it was a testing day didnt mean i get to sit in there and i need to go to my classes. i already had a headache and was dizzy. i kind of just.. left and sat outside on a bench. had a seizure or 2 (im not really sure, while i'm conscious for them, they often blur together). begged my dad to pick me up, and im back at home again.

i really just want one good day. i want to even just make it through one day. i want a decent day. im missing so many classes, and thats just making me more stressed and makes it difficult

my grades last semester were so good. my main goal this semester was to have grades im proud of again. im barely passing my classes now. i just want to do well. i want to make people proud. i want to be proud of myself. i want one good day.

i just want a good day again