u/Imthealastor

Hello guys, I'm looking for a music video that I watched some years ago and i really can't recall anything besides featuring koishi as the main character and her theme with lyrics. I think she was like in a type of room with a bed then in some part of the video she or satori leave a sort of tunnel I really can't recall anything else

Since 2022 (2023 idk) I've been feeling awful as fuck, I've never had a girlfriend outside of internet (yes its miserable I know, yes I consider my face ugly) i never had a friend to myself, other than in the internet again. I've been loved all of my life by my parents even if they aren't the best they try to make me feel better I think.

I consider myself really really weak mentally, I used to practice soccer when I was 12 and 13 until I got injured in the lower back and my arms, and I haven't healed from these wounds yet so I can't really do any physical activites without feeling pain, these days I've been trying to do exercise in home to get my self esteem up and the pain just grew more, so I just had accepted it

I'm a really sensitive person, I cry because of everything, I always feel miserable and just because my parents are angry at me and yell me is a reason to cry and feel miserable for the rest of the day, I cry a lot because I know I'm weak, I'm useless and I will never be useful to anyone, I have tried religion before and i were to weak to keep going

I have tried to kill myself two times, one time when I was 12 and one time the last year on october iirc, I had an argument with my dad that day because I was supposedly going to fold the clothes downstairs (why would I do that?) and everything escalated pretty quickly since I tried to make him not hit me just by grabbing his arm, he started to yell at my mom saying "call the police! This kid is trying to kill me!" I broke in tears and i hugged jim very tight becsuse i would never fo tjst to my dad

he said he would kick me out of the house for that and I cried even more, he left me alone and I cried for 30 minutes (just to say number) then I went downstairs and fell to my moms knees crying and crying, I thought I was safe with her but she started to tell me a lot of things when I was crying on her arms, told me to do better, and I know it's advice and I should follow it but I'm too stupid too lazy to do anything I'm sorry, then I went upstairs and began to punch a bag like crazy pouring all my feelings on it, I saw a rope and tried to make the knot for it and hang me, I couldn't even do it because I'm too useless, I cried some more time after that and went downstairs to grab a knife and kill me, the thing is I cried so hard I didn't do it too

the cherry on the top here is that some months ago I met this beautiful boy, he was perfect for me, he understood me so, so well and treated me so so well, gave me poems, gave me solace, he was as lonely as me but he had a girlfriend my lonely ass fell in love immediately, and I really thought the same for him, so I confessed my love for him ( yes I know this is wrong but.. I thought maybe we could work it out because he had a girlfriend and their relationship was deteriorating, I know I'm selfish too sorry) and.. yes, I got rejected, I tried to you know, get some distance and try to not fall in love deeper by having him close to me and chatting all day long, he detected this as.. idk? He blocked me from everywhere then came back days later, I couldn't handle me loving him to the very soul and him doing the same, but me just as a friend, not as partner, just as a fucking friend, he loved me yes but not the same way ;(

These days I've been really really lonely without him I cry almost every time I get too very in the thought of him being with me, I see his repost on TikTok saying he misses someone and some shut like that, I think he's missing his girlfriend, I guess they broke up or smt, a part of me screams that I want the reposts to be about me and not her

Im currently 15 almost 16 since this thursday is my birthday, these last days my fathers been drinking a lot, my mom its worried since he has been drinking since they began their relationship and just some minutes ago I got in an argument with my dad because I was looking for my headphones to do homework (I really need music sorry) and he told me to just worry about my fucking problems because he never asked me money to drink (which I found stupid to say) and I responded saying "yes but you have been doing the same shit since you met my mom and she had forgiven you every single time because of me and my sister, why won't you change?"

please anyone read this and guide me, I really don't know what to do with my life either, all of life is so fucking depressing for me, sometimes I forget I will old if I don't kill myself I'm too tired for this shit, I know I'm weak okay?

Title. Does anyone have the original tab? I really want to play it

(Sorry I didn't know what flair to put)