I (25F) am struggling to see if I’m overreacting to a situation with my bf’s (27M) friends. What would you do in my situation?
Recently my bf and his friends were organizing a time to hangout together. In the group chat I stated which times I was not available and another person also stated when they were not available, everyone else was free/flexible. The group promptly decided on a time that would accommodate everyone else’s schedule except for mine.
My initial reaction was obviously that I felt a little hurt that the group didn’t try to accommodate me as well, but this has been a reoccurring theme in this friend group with regards to me. I also understand from their perspective that they are a lot closer to the other person who had a limited availability and thus it would make sense that they would want them there more.
What I’m struggling with is that when I expressed my hurt that his friend group wasn’t being very inclusive to my bf, he told me that he could see both sides but that his friends probably chose the time that they did due to a multiple of reasons. I told him I would have liked for him to support me and at least acknowledge the fact that his friends could’ve have been more inclusive - and it wasn’t until I prompted him that he agreed. He has said that he felt like he had to say that to appease me or because he knows that it’s what I want to hear, and that in reality he feels like he can see where both sides are coming and doesn’t fully support one or the other.
This has obviously left me feeling pretty unsupported, but his other point is that since these are reoccurring issues that I have with his friend group, I should adjust my expectations so that I don’t get so hurt each time.
To me this feels a bit like victim blaming, where he acknowledges that his friend group isn’t inclusive but it’s my own responsibility to lower my expectations. My bf also struggles being in the middle since he can often see both sides.
I’m not sure what the solution is, aside from me lowering my expectations, but I also feel like I may have overreacted given how minor this incident is. I guess this is why I’m posting here, since I feel a little confused.
Edit: just wanted to provide some more context here since it seems like people are thinking that I’m hijacking my bf’s friend group. The activity that we were trying to organize is something I have always been a part of and have done with his friends even before I started dating him. I do have my own friends. My gripe with it was just that there was an opportunity for his friends to be a bit more inclusive and find a time that would allow me and the other person to come, and I was a bit hurt that I wasn’t considered.