I was (am?) having a manic or mixed state episode and so I went to one of the emergency rooms in the town I live in, and sat there for a while, and outwardly I do seem calm, I get that, but I'm whirring in my mind, and I can't sit still and I'm pissed off and agitated, but also tired and not supremely anxious or anything, but I can't fucking sleep much at all. Anyway, I went to the emergency room and this doctor came in and I think he might have discovered that I'm on medicaid and assumed that I wanted drugs, so he prescribed me ativan, which I was vocally against because addiction runs in my family. I felt like he wasn't even listening to me! He also for some reason kept pushing zyprexa on me, which I said I didn't want to take because it would make me gain weight. I kept reiterating that I don't feel right, but I guess I should have lied and said I wanted to kill myself or something. Earlier in the week I had felt this way, for a few weeks even, and I spoke to an intake therapist who scheduled me with a psychiatrist (I have already been medicated for a long time, I'm changing care teams proper from the university psych that I was seeing temporarily until I could get in with somewhere else, but something isn't right).
Like, dude! you aren't a psychiatrist. he kind of acted like I was insane for coming into the facility at all when I have an appointment on this Monday (this all happened this Wednesday night). I suppose I should just wait this out. I'm really afraid to take this ativan, because I'm already on buspirone for my anxiety symptoms.