Am I expecting too much in AM setup?
[TLDR]
Hi everyone,
25M here, going for an AM setup, never had been in a relationship before, everytime I tried talking to girls within 1 week she ghosts me and I dont know why. I am a shy guy and cant flirt until i become comfortable but I have a caring nature and always try to put my max efforts for someone, also i m little bit family oriented, and as i live alone I know all the household chores. recently got a rishta, my parents sent that to me, the girl was good looking and she had done computer science and her parents nature was also good when i met, so i thought maybe we can proceed, although as she was good looking i already predicted she might be having a past, before meeting her, i stalked her instagram and linkedin to confirm as i am really afraid in todays arrange marriage market, she had around 2000 on instagram and around 100 posts. I became a bit skeptical about her if i should move forward or not as i prefer keeping my life private, but i ignored that thing. now we met, we had a talk, I asked her if she is not forced by her parents for marriage, she said no, and she and her family are looking for a decent guy from past 1 year, then we had some more talk related to our future, like if she wants to continue to job after marriage (although i want my partner to keep working as i also do household chores and help her) she said as of now she wants to do job but in future she wants to become an instagram influencer, this made me a little sad from inside, but i still ignored that as i thought she might understand in future maybe when we will get married.
After that we shared our numbers, and she left for pune and i left for gurgaon, i was overthinking a lot if i should proceed or not, but i did, now the day we both left (it was sunday), i called her and asked her if she sat in the sleeper bus, she said the bus and while we were talking the bus came, so she said will talk to u later so as a caring person i asked her to call me or just message me when tomorrow she reaches and she said yes. Now maybe I set a wrong expectation, I thought we both are interested so she should also put efforts. So i thought maybe she might call instead of texting me, like I beieve calling for 2 min just to inform doesnt take time. Instead she messaged me, I thought no worries, I replied her within minutes "Ok, reach office, we can call in evening when we both get back from work".
So in the evening i called her and she didnt picked up the call, then she called back me after sometime when I was eating dinner, but I thought to priotise her call and picked up while eating dinner, she said she couldnt pick the call as she was eating dinner, and I thought that bro I m also eating dinner and still i picked up her call, but i again ignored that. Then we had a general chat and then we both slept, the next day i called her in morning if she got ready for office, she didnt pick up the call and then she messaged me around 1pm that she was busy and was not able to pick the call, will call in evening, I was again like bro wtf, but i again ignored, then in the evening she called me but I was not able to pick her call as i was washing utensils, so after washing then i called her back, but she didnt picked the phone, and then after around half an hour she messaged me that she is tired and will call tomorrow, now i got really frustratred.
I read the message from notification so that blue tick doesnt come on whatsapp, the next day i didnt called her, and she also didnt called me the whole day, then came thursday i again didnt called her, but she messaged me in afternoon hey are u free for a call, and then she called me, but now i again didnt picked up the call, then she messaged me if she wants to continue or not, I asked her the same thing, first because she was the one who didnt picked the call from starting, then she said our time is not matching, i said that i know we both are busy but atleast i m trying and putting efforts, then she said sorry and then she said, we will set a time everyday at 9:30pm and talk and in the day time we can chat on whatsapp.
I was really stressed because when time comes between relationship then definitely it doesnt go long term, but still i said yes and then the next week we started talking everyday for 4 days at the time we decided, but she never messaged me on whatsapp in day time and i also didnt messaged her (as she only said we will talk on whatsapp in daytime, so she could have started messaging then for me i would also start), but after 4 days she stopped calling me and i also didnt called her.
My question is that, am i expecting too much in an AM setup where families are involved and both persons like each other? Was i looking despearate? I dont know tbh and m fed up with this AM.
I m angry because of hypocirsy of girls on instagram comment section who says that they want a career oriented, respectful guy who can do house hold chores as well blah blah blah... and when we guys come they ghost us for no reason.