u/Independent-Fig-3909

So I just can't handle this anymore. I'm only 2 months in form losing my husband at 51 to a massive stroke. and I know friendships change in situations like this, but im more annoyed with how our best friend uses my adult son and older teens as an excuse to why I shouldn't be able to hang out.

My husband and I shared a best friend. He's a great guy, never married, has no kids, but has always had issues with self-esteem and worrying what people think of him. He is the Godfather of all 4 of our kids and has been our person since we were all teenagers. He was our entire wedding party.

Since my husband's death, he keeps saying to people he doesn't call me or we don't do things like we used to because I have to take care of the kids. My kids who live at home are 21 (never home), 16 almost 17 ( again, very active outside our home and never home. Has her own car), and 15. We live in a safe upper middle class suburb, and my youngest has a large friend group, lots of activities, and we belong to a private swim club the youngest works at. He also has access to transportation. Even when they are home they are not laying on the couch with mommy. I meal prep every week for dinner because I never know who will be home in the evening. This was the same way when my husband was alive.

Today, I mentioned not feeling like driving 9 hours to my hometown for a family function this weekend. I'm not even ready to attend without my husband. His response is that I should go and stop on the way, find fun things to do with the kiddos. Well... none of my kids are going. I have no clue where he would've gotten that idea. They only come home with me for major events like full on family reunions. I'm from a very tiny boring town. They are all super busy this weekend. It would literally be just me for the first time alone driving and staying in a motel without my husband.

Then, leaving after a drink a buddy, asked if we were grabbing Mexican like normal since it's Thursday. My best friends response was, of course not that I had to go home and take care of the kiddos. Our buddy looked at him like he was crazy. I flat out told him my kids are all over the place. Ones at work, ones at her boyfriends grandparents for dinner, and the last is at the batting cages with his buddies like every Thursday for 2 years.

I'm currently sitting alone on my couch, with no interest in making dinner thinking about how my life has crumbled around me. I get he might not feel comfortable with our former normal, I get this could be our new normal (and I grieve for that also). But seriously, stop acting like I have small children to care for. This is so freaking hard having kids the ages I do. They don't need me enough to keep me busy, and they are not old enough to help handle the fallout, the paperwork, or take care of me in this. Our oldest is married and lives out of state due to the military.

Ugh, I just want him to stop using the kids as an excuse, which was never even a thought before my husband died suddenly.

Yesterday morning, everything hit so hard. I curled up in bed. I couldn't breathe, anxiety, vomiting. Thinking how its been nearly 2 months since I last felt him warm. My inlaws horrible treatment of pur family, sons travel ball, finances, not having contact with the company my husband ran for 30 years and their actions, having it all on my shoulders, fear of going to a major sporting event with our shared best friend (54m) without my husband and how people keep talking behind our backs.

Then suddenly I heard It's OK, it's OK. I can't say it was my husband's voice. I think it was but i was caught off guard. I don't know how much I believe in the afterlife, I've always been a logic based person. During the night I kept tossing and turning, I felt a presence in my room. Not comforting, but not dangerous if that makes sense. Suddenly, I felt calm and fine. For the first time in weeks I used my Keurig in our bedroom, I took a long shower and went to Costco for my allergy meds. The game with our buddy went better than expected. This morning woke up. Made our sons (21m and 14m) help me clean the downstairs. It's not perfect, but much better. Went grocery shopping, like a full grocery shopping for the first time since the day before we left for Puerto Rico. He (51m) had his stroke an hour after we got home.

I'm not sure how long this will last. I talked to our daughter out of state who told me she yelled at my husband to go to mom, she needs you alot more. Because our granddaughter was following and waving at something in her apartment.

Then yesterday afternoon a friend in his late 80s told me how a couple years ago a random women at the dentist told him there was a women standing in the corner of the room, the description matched his late wife. This was before I told him what happened.

I have to tell someone and figure you're the only group who would get it.

I ordered the Grieving Brain from Amazon. I was leaving with our adult daughter for lunch (she came in to help me). The UPS truck pulls up, and I realize it's a good buddy of ours. I ran over saying "hey baby," he hugs me, and we talk for a minute. He says he'd see me later and luv you. I respond the same. Nothing romantic, completely normal for our friend group. We've had big losses in the last few years and are very open with "I love you" and hugs. Im the only girl in our group. It was a little sunshine in my life right now.

Get back to my truck, and our daughter is staring at me like I'm insane. How much stuff are you ordering Mom? That you just told the UPS guy you love him? And hugged him?

It was a moment that I desperately wanted to call my husband and tell him the story. He would've thought it was beyond funny. The fact that he delivered my grief book would've been icing on the cake.

Called on Cobra today because the paperwork sounded weird. Come to find out the company he ran (family owned till last year when it was sold to a financial firm) for 25 years listed him as terminated instead of deceased. This is after they screwed up the life insurance we had through the company's and didn't fill out some forms, so instead of $250,000, I'm getting $25,000. Or maybe not at all because when I called them, they told me the policy was no longer valid because my husband was listed as terminated. This explains why Paychex will not respond to me about our retirement accounts. I was told Cobra had to have him on the policy, and they would only speak to him.

Originally, I was told his pay would continue with health insurance for the year. Then they said instead there would be a 6 figure package. That package was what we were owed in retirement and the screwed up life insurance that we paid for from his check.

He made 85% of our income.

My husband lived for this company and the original family who owned it. Once it was sold, everything changed, and so did he. More than one medical professional told me they felt his massive stroke was from stress at work. In fact, it's known "cause" for his specific type.

I know I need a lawyer, but the idea of taking on the company my husband was the face of is daunting and painful. He wore his company pull over in his casket. His boots and hard hat sat on it. I took him lunch every day and would come in and help with stuff. I feel like I can't lose anymore.