The loud silence of a goodbye
Should I tie the knot?
Jump from the sky just to know what it feels like to fly?
Maybe one pill would make the pain go away temporarily,
but twenty of them would be enough for a permanent stop.
Thoughts of the rush, the pain, course through my veins.
I only have these options.
No one would know.
No one would see unless I made an obvious scene.
When the moon hits my face, I’ll be here making my choices.
When the sun rises and shines into my eyes, they will have a new light in them
because mine would be gone.
The same brown eyes that I got from my mother.
As she walks in seeing me, yet I’m not there.
Those same brown eyes of hers turn glossy with tears.
She screams in pain knowing her child is no longer here.
The same sun that rose the day before now lights up the whole room,
yet the faces inside it seem dull.
My cat jumps onto my bed wondering where I am.
The same cat that would lick my soft skin to wake me up.
My little siblings wonder where I went
because this time I wasn’t there to play hide and seek with them.
Maybe they think I finally found a good hiding spot.
My phone blows up with messages from friends wondering why I didn’t go to the hangout we had planned.
Maybe they’ll think I got grounded.
No matter the excuse, people would eventually know the truth about me.
When my funeral comes, they’ll look over my dead body,
the sibling, the friend, the cousin,
the family they all once knew and loved.
Tears fill their eyes
as they continue on with lives that I am no longer a part of,
questioning what they could have done.
My room is still the same as I last left it,
the clothes on the floor still piled,
the water bottle left half drank and open,
my schoolbag still lying on the floor.
And it will all stay the same.
Forever.