u/Independent-Voice106

Feel like I’m spiralling at the moment with Mum guilt and a hint a jealously . So I have an 18 month old and because I am working full-time I feel that when I have time to spend with him I’m so mentally and physically exhausted but still put my all into childcare and keeping him entertain but I just don’t know how much longer this is sustainable for. I have had to find a new job but I had to take on a full time role due to be being the breadwinner. I‘ve asked to do condensed hours in this new role (5 days in 4) but looks like I might have to wait until I’m more settled in the role.

Most of my friends with kids have taken a step back going more part-time or become SAHM. I’ve been feeling more and more isolated from my friends, doesn’t help I live in a different part of the city. They all seem to rally round each other and help out with their kids and never really seem to check in with me. Because my weekends are so precious for spending time with my family I’m often booked up months in advance that I miss out on a lot of catch ups or if they do a catch up during the weekday evening, I can’t make it as it’ll be a mad dash from work and I won’t have time with my son. I’ve tried organising stuff with my friends when I know in advance when I know I’m free but there‘s never any take up. I’ve had one friend who sent an awful voice note accusing me not showing any interest in her and her kids and not making effort - bear in mind she’s a stay at home mum and another friend who basically moaned at me about another full-time working mum saying she’s not going to bother with her again as she seems to be never to be free.

On top of this it’s creating tension between my husband and I, as he’s accuses me of not pulling my weight enough with childcare and implying he’s parenting better than me. Like he has more flexibility with his work as he has one day wfh a week and he has our DC that day, whereas with I don‘t have a day off. Yet on weekends he socialises more (plays golf) and then I’m spending time with our DC and he doesn’t really see everything I do. I’ve mentioned about him finding a new job to help take the pressure of me a bit but he doesn’t see why he should have to give up on a job he’s content with and has the flexibility for a job that’ll be more stressful and less flexible. I see where he’s coming from but then this is exactly what I’m doing.

How do full-time working mums function for their kids outside of work and maintain a social life as well as make time for themselves?

Any other full-time mums out there who feel like this?

I appreciate that nurseries have safeguarding policies in place, however we've noticed in the recent weeks, we're having 1-2 calls a week from the nursery asking us about marks on our 18 month old. It's not so much the calls themselves but it's accusatory tone as in "how did your son get this bruise or mark?".

We've been extra cautious now when we get him ready in the morning to check for marks or when we know he's had an accident at home we let them know when we drop him off but even then we have still got a call the same day asking about another mark. Last week they noticed a mark on his head when I dropped him off and asked me how it happened and I mentioned that he had done it at nursery the day before and I had to sign an accident form. So it suggests that they're not keeping track of all is accidents - appreciate isn't always possible when they're other kids they're caring for.

We find after these marks have been reported, when we check ourselves we can't see what they're referring too or they overstate what the mark or bruising is. I know they're just doing their job but as a parent it's making me super anxious that these are becoming pretty regular and they're building up a case against us - I know sounds ridiculous!

It's been in the last couple of months these calls have become a regular thing and I have reminded them that since he was 15 months he's been walking and falls over quite often, which I believe is quite common at this age.

I want to flag this with the nursery manager but every time I've had to ask her something about my son she get's super defensive and I find it an uncomfortable interaction.

Am I being ridiculous and overthinking this? Is this normal for a nursery to be like this? This is my first child going through nursery so have nothing to compare with.