u/Independent-Win-6295

So, I just want to preface that this is seriously all real and I’m not a bot because I’ve posted before and it’s gotten taken down because people think I’m rage baiting. This is my real life unfortunately!!!

To start out, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 11 months. Our relationship started off rocky, I just got out of a 3.5 year relationship and met him 3 weeks later. After just talking for 3 weeks we started dating. I cheated on him by sleeping with my ex bf 3 weeks after him and I started dating. I didnt tell him until 2 months later. Apparently he was cheating on me too with this older woman. He didn’t tell me about that, I found out myself.

Ever since we found out about this, we realized that we both weren’t totally committed to eachother the first month of dating, but realized we wanted to stay together and be 100% committed. We created boundaries and told eachother we are going to be honest if we want this to workout. So that is what we did.

Fast forward to last week, I got an uneasy feeling in my stomach because I found a text on his phone from a girl named Ella. It was in his recently deleted in his iMessages. So obviously I went and read the texts and from what I saw he said “hey” first, then she said “hey” and he said “what’s going on cutie pie” and she responded with “nothing much”.

He told me he had no idea who Ella was, even tho her name was in his contacts. He told me he thought it was a fake number becuase the text messages were green. I got so upset and started crying. The next day, the feeling of him maybe cheating on me made me feel sick to my stomach. So I went crazy and decided to DM 50 girls off his Instagram that he follows.

I found out from abojt 4 girls that he matched with them on hinge a week ago, 2 weeks ago, a month ago, and 2 months ago. Hes had hinge this whole time. Apparently matching with girls and then saying “slide me your number” or “slide me ur snap”. And not only that, but I also found out that he hung out with THE ONLY GIRL THAT HE SNAPCHATS BESIDES ME. he hung out with her A MONTH AGO. he jsut got a new dog, and so apparently this girl came over to his house a month ago for an hour, and they didn’t makeout, do anything sexual etc. they only hugged. I was in contact with her and completely believe her because their stories all matched up. She also isn’t into him and they have been friends for a while. She stopped snapping him a few days ago.

Apparently when he hung out with her, he asked her if she was talking to anyone, and she then said to him” I thought u had a girlfriend” and he said “no we just broke up”. And not only this, he also asked her to hangout again a freaking week ago. The girl told me all of this. And when he asked she gave him her work schedule. But apparently he realized he actually didn’t want to hang with her and so they just never did.

I also found out that he’s been flirting with girls on Snapchat, and adding/unadding them when we are hanging out or not hanging out. He has gotten hinge multiple times throughout the past 6 months of us dating.

This was his excuse. He said “everytime I was uncertain about you I just got hinge to get attention. But it didn’t even go anywhere. I didn’t text any of them or call/FaceTime any of them. It was a mistake and I realized after seeing how much this hurt you that I will never do this again. I promise”.

I have done nothing since February when we found out about the cheating and made a commitment to eachother. I have been 100% loyal to him. I have not texted another man, flirted with another man or hung out with another man. I’m the type of person that if I make a promise I will not break it. I know i cheated on him the first 3 weeks of us dating, but clearly I was not ready to jump into a relationship after only being single for 3 weeks. This is not an excuse, it’s just the truth.

He says he wants to prove to me how loyal and amazing he can be. He said he realized how committed I actually was and how committed he is going to be from here on out. The thing about all of this, I FOUND OUT BY BEING A DETECTIVE. even after I found out about the hinge, I brought it up to him and he was only telling me what I knew. Until I knew more information and brought it up he would then say “oh yeah i forgot about that I’m sorry, it meant nothing, it was a mistake”. He said he didn’t tell me about any of this because he was too ashamed. And I asked him if there was anymore information he was withholding and he said no trust me. Then couple days later is when I found out MYSELF that he hung out with a girl. When I brought it up to him he just said the same thing. He said “I only did it to see how it would feel, to see if I had true feelings for you or not”. And then he said “it was wierd and awkward when I hung out with her. I didjt like the feeling and realized I liked you”. Which is weird right, because he asked her to hangout again last week??

I really don’t want to see comments about how stupid I am for still being with him and how I need to breakup with him. That’s not what I’m looking for. I guess I’m looking for the psychology behind all of this.

Why did he do that? How can he say he loves me and cares about me when he did this? How insecure is he? Does he do it for attention when he’s sad? What could the psychology be?

I (21F)put in so much effort, spent 400 dollars on a Cartier wallet for my boyfriends (24M) birthday, take him to my cabin monthly, spend so much money on him and his dog, I put in so much effort and in return I get nothing from him. He puts in zero effort, but for some reason I’m so in love with him.

We have a tricky start to our relationship. I wasn’t fully over my ex of 3.5 years, and he was in a situation ship with his 60 year old woman he was talking to.

We both realized we liked eachother a month into dating and started putting in effort. Anyhow long story short the last month had been very difficult.

I had suspicion and a gut feeling he was doing something terrible. So I went a little crazy and decided to DM 55 girls off his Instagram following. At least 12 have responded and 3 of them told me terrible things I didn’t want to know. One of them told me that they matched with him on hinge 2 weeks ago. He asked for her number and she never responded so he unmatched with her.

The second girl responded to me and said that he has been adding and unadding her off of Snapchat on and off for 3 months, and he asked her to hangout (they never did), and he asked her about her life and about herself. He also flirted with her.

The third girl said they snapped 5 months ago and never flirted.

I feel sick to my stomach. He’s been having hinge on his phone in secret even tho I go on his phone all the time. I’ve looked in his apps before and never seen hinge. I don’t understand, he told me he added hinge because whenever I felt “uncertain” about him, he said he didn’t feel loved, and went straight to hinge to flirt, and that’s it.

I’m so in love with him, I seem so stupid. I know I need to breakup with him. But he’s told me he’s never doing that Again. Genuinely I don’t think I could ever trust him. I know I deserve better than him. Why is it that I can’t leave him?

The way he flirts and hides it, the way he compliments these others girls, but for some reason I still am in love with him? WHY?!?! I don’t understand what is wrong with me.

My boyfriend [23M] and I [21F]have been together for 8 months. I JUST met his mother [51F] first the first time a few days ago. He and his family are fully Bosnian so his parents barely speak English and they are also very traditional. I am fully white, and so I’ve never experienced anything like this before.

Basically, he lives with his parents, so a few days ago I went over there to meet his mom for the first time. I didn’t see her at first until we were in the basement hugging and all of a sudden his mother was standing outside in the backyard looking at us through the slider door. Once we noticed my boyfriend walked up to the slider door and opened it, obviously I said “hello it’s so nice to meet you” and she said “nice to meet you too” and then I asked her what she thought about my boyfriends new puppy and she interrupted saying her name and so I told her my name back. And it was awkward and she started speaking Bosnian to my boyfriend and my boyfriend responded. Obviously I have no idea what they are saying. After that, she smiled at me and said lovely to meet you and I said you too!

After she left, my boyfriend looked at me and said “I’m not gunna lie she just called you fat” and I’m like WTF?!

Obviously I started crying, the first time I meet his mom after 8 freaking months and that’s the first thing she says about me? I literally wear a size SMALL. WHILE SHE IS OVER HERE WEARING A SIZE EXTRA LARGE. I got so enraged, because my boyfriend was taking his mom’s side over mine. I told my boyfriend “how is she able to call me fat when I’m over here wearing size extra small and small and she’s over here wearing a size extra large?”

He got mad and said “don’t talk about my mom like that”. Are you joking me? But for some reason if I said stuff like that to his mom he would get offended but it’s okay for her to say stuff like that to me?

It’s crazy because a week earlier I was supposed to meet her, I went and bought her a 35 dollar bouquet of flowers so she would get good vibes from me, but she left before I arrived at his house so I didn’t get to see her. She didn’t even thank me for the flowers. And not to mention, my boyfriend did say that she is very judgmental but I already can tell that she’s jealous of me that I’m taking her son away from her. I don’t even want to go over to his house anymore or see his mom ever again. Am I crazy for thinking this? Is it that big of a deal?

Our relationship started off badly. We both cheated on eachother in the first month of us dating. After a month and a half, I told him that I cheated on him becuase I felt so terrible. I then had this gut feeling that he also probably cheated on me, and I found out from a 60 year old woman, that they were talking for over a month while me and him were dating. They met at the gym and they went on gym dates and FaceTimed, and texted and went out to 2 restaurants, and only kissed (nothing more). I cheated on him with my previous partner, I had s*x with him 3 times in 2 days (during December). I was with my ex boyfriend for 3.5 years, we broke up and then 3 weeks later is when I met my current boyfriend and we started dating after 2 weeks of talking.

There has been a lot of red flags since the start of our relationship, we both cheated. But when we found out what eachother did, we decided we still wanted to be together and we were going to work things out and start on a clean slate. The first few weeks after finding out were rough, but then things started to get a lot better.

Until one day, I was in my car and put my hand under the steering wheel, where I found a ring car tracker. Obviously I brought it up to him and he took accountability for it and felt awful. I was very upset, but relieved there wasn’t a camera or audio on it. (Just location tracker).

A week ago, I was in my room, and was remembering something suspicious my boyfriend told me a month ago. He said something like “did you know that FBI/CIA agents can listen to people through their TV’s?” And when I was in bed, I got up and looked at the back of my tv, and found an audio recorder stuck to the back of my tv. I freaked out, ripped it off, opened it up and he knew immediately that I found it, because he had an app on his phone that he deleted every time we hung out, and the app had 24/7 data from the last 2 months of everything I said in my room. Mind you, I haven’t had a job in a while, and I’m constantly in my room all the time. That means he has heard me FaceTime my friends, who I talk to, when I sing to myself, EVEN MY THERAPY APPOINTMENTS.

Even when we first started dating, I unadded over 250 guys on my insta because he told me to, I had to share my location with him on FindmyIphone, and Snapchat. And he goes through my phone every single time we hangout. Literally ALL my apps. If he sees a guy or a random number or anything in my phone, he freaks out and thinks the worst. He says he’s doing his “due diligence ” check. The first 3 months of us dating, it was all double standards. I didn’t even have his location or even go on his phone. Once I found out about the cheating, I am allowed to go on his phone whenever I want now. He has a degree in cyber security, and he knows how to hack. There are things that I DM people on Instagram, or if I even follow someone on Instagram, he will literally FaceTime me or text me or tell me in person, “why did you DM ____ on Instagram”. He doesn’t even know my login or password. I feel like my phone entire phone is literally hacked. No matter what, I have changed all my passwords on everything, and he can still somehow has the ability to know everything that I do on my phone.

The thing is, I’m also crazy. I have made a fake number and pretended to be a girl to text him and I also have texted a girl off Facebook to text him and see if he would flirt back. But it’s crazy, because he literally finds out about everything. He knew it was me who set all of this up.

What should I do?

Also, please give me advice, for I have no one to talk about this situation to. Please don’t comment “Girl ur crazy just breakup with him” , I need people who actually understand emotions to give me advice on what to do.