My boyfriend [23M] and myself [21F] cheated on eachother
Our relationship started off badly. We both cheated on eachother in the first month of us dating. After a month and a half, I told him that I cheated on him becuase I felt so terrible. I then had this gut feeling that he also probably cheated on me, and I found out from a 60 year old woman, that they were talking for over a month while me and him were dating. They met at the gym and they went on gym dates and FaceTimed, and texted and went out to 2 restaurants, and only kissed (nothing more). I cheated on him with my previous partner, I had s*x with him 3 times in 2 days (during December). I was with my ex boyfriend for 3.5 years, we broke up and then 3 weeks later is when I met my current boyfriend and we started dating after 2 weeks of talking.
There has been a lot of red flags since the start of our relationship, we both cheated. But when we found out what eachother did, we decided we still wanted to be together and we were going to work things out and start on a clean slate. The first few weeks after finding out were rough, but then things started to get a lot better.
Until one day, I was in my car and put my hand under the steering wheel, where I found a ring car tracker. Obviously I brought it up to him and he took accountability for it and felt awful. I was very upset, but relieved there wasn’t a camera or audio on it. (Just location tracker).
A week ago, I was in my room, and was remembering something suspicious my boyfriend told me a month ago. He said something like “did you know that FBI/CIA agents can listen to people through their TV’s?” And when I was in bed, I got up and looked at the back of my tv, and found an audio recorder stuck to the back of my tv. I freaked out, ripped it off, opened it up and he knew immediately that I found it, because he had an app on his phone that he deleted every time we hung out, and the app had 24/7 data from the last 2 months of everything I said in my room. Mind you, I haven’t had a job in a while, and I’m constantly in my room all the time. That means he has heard me FaceTime my friends, who I talk to, when I sing to myself, EVEN MY THERAPY APPOINTMENTS.
Even when we first started dating, I unadded over 250 guys on my insta because he told me to, I had to share my location with him on FindmyIphone, and Snapchat. And he goes through my phone every single time we hangout. Literally ALL my apps. If he sees a guy or a random number or anything in my phone, he freaks out and thinks the worst. He says he’s doing his “due diligence ” check. The first 3 months of us dating, it was all double standards. I didn’t even have his location or even go on his phone. Once I found out about the cheating, I am allowed to go on his phone whenever I want now. He has a degree in cyber security, and he knows how to hack. There are things that I DM people on Instagram, or if I even follow someone on Instagram, he will literally FaceTime me or text me or tell me in person, “why did you DM ____ on Instagram”. He doesn’t even know my login or password. I feel like my phone entire phone is literally hacked. No matter what, I have changed all my passwords on everything, and he can still somehow has the ability to know everything that I do on my phone.
The thing is, I’m also crazy. I have made a fake number and pretended to be a girl to text him and I also have texted a girl off Facebook to text him and see if he would flirt back. But it’s crazy, because he literally finds out about everything. He knew it was me who set all of this up.
What should I do?
Also, please give me advice, for I have no one to talk about this situation to. Please don’t comment “Girl ur crazy just breakup with him” , I need people who actually understand emotions to give me advice on what to do.