AIO for being upset abt drunk comments
Me and my fiancé were hanging out with friends and when he was drunk he made sexually charged remarks towards his friend’s gf.
I haven’t brought it up because I don’t want to start a fight and I know he’ll deny it but it was unbelievably embarrassing for me, I was drunk too but I felt the awkwardness, no one laughed, just silence after the remark and it was just icky and he made the comment right in front of me too. It’s something he says in bed with me so it’s not something he can play off as innocent.
I know if / when I bring it up he won’t even remember it which makes it worse to me because it was clearly a genuine remark and idk. It kills me that he’s so attracted to someone else that he can’t even hide it in front of me or in front idk his friend who’s dating her.
And we’re engaged so again like wth, beautiful attractive people will always exist and I just wish I could feel comfortable feeling like yeah I can trust my partner to keep it in his pants but idk. I just felt incredibly overlooked and like an idiot. Like he could’ve made those remarks towards me and everyone would laugh but he couldn’t help himself but to make them about someone else and make all of us uncomfortable except he didn’t even notice how uncomfortable that comment made everyone which again just makes it worse.
I couldn’t sleep that night even after drinking all day because I just felt so embarrassed. I couldn’t keep my hands off him meanwhile he’s openly lusting after someone else. Bleh. Am I wrong for thinking that even if you’re drunk you should still be aware of yourself enough to not say unwanted sexual stuff towards someone else?
I just could cry. He said something he says in bed with me to her and in front of all our friends. We’re about to get married. He’s the only guy I’ve ever loved or dated and I just feel like such an idiot like maybe he feels like he’s settling for me if he acts this way around one pretty girl. Like there will always be beautiful women, is how he acts while drunk his true feelings?
I could really use advice for how to handle this. I know he’ll just get defensive and he’ll gaslight me and I’ll have to basically ask him to apologize and ask him to say he won’t do it again. But it will be me who feels like I ruined the evening by bringing it up, it’ll be me who feels like I’m overreacting by when I could’ve just let it go.
Is it that hard to just have some self awareness? And again his friends were drunk too and they weren’t being inappropriate, it was just him being that way just with one of the several women there, right in front of me.
We hardly ever fight so I don’t want to start a fight but this is just breaking me inside. The thing is even if I do bring it up, it doesn’t change anything. He was still listing after someone else in front of me, saying stuff he only says to me in bed to her in front of everyone. This whole situation just makes me sick and I don’t know how to handle it. So would I be overreacting for bringing up his behavior while he was drunk and probably fight over it? Low key want to talk about it in like marriage counseling bc I should be able to trust him around beautiful women whether he’s drunk or not and I know he’s just going to deny and get defensive and gaslight. It’s infuriating and often it’s behavior that’s almost unconscious like asking her to go first in a game or opening the door for her rather than me, but this comment was way out of line and not only in front of me but also her bf too.