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I (31F) recently went on a first date with a guy(26M). The date itself was good, conversation flowed okay and there weren't any massive blow-ups but I’m feeling stuck on a few things and wondering if I’m overthinking or if this is a sign of things to come.
When planning the date he told me he would bring flowers and chocolates, and we arranged for him to pick me up from the nearest train station and we walk to the location (because I didn't want him to pick me up from work on a first date). A little while before the date, he sent a picture of the location and told me he was unable to find a flower shop that was open and apologised, although I understood not gonna lie I was little disappointed. When I reached the train station, I waited for a while and realized he wasn't picking me up so I asked him how much longer till he gets there and he told me to meet at the photo location he sent earlier, although I didn't mind I was wondering why we would arrange as so. When I said I was waiting for him, he told me he'll meet me halfway, but when I reached I hadn't seen him at all only to find out we both took different exits. When he reached he passed me a small flower he picked by the side of the road, which I thought was cute until the head broke off after he passed to me. 😢
He was a gentleman at dinner and told me to order what I liked. Conversation flowed naturally and was fun. When the bill came, I offered to pay my portion (testing the waters). He said "don't worry, you can get the next one." I don't mind getting my portion but usually I do this to gauge their interest level, so the "next one" comment stayed on my mind.
We went for a walk and he was asking me about the next date so I opened up and told him I'd love it if he could plan it like maybe an exhibition or something would be great, I can plan the later dates. He said sure and asked me what exhibition so I told him I'm not sure what's going on at the moment but he could give me 3 options.
Since the date, the texting vibe has been "mid." Mostly gym pics and asking if I've been to gym and if I got dinner. He isn't necessarily ghosting, but he isn't exactly leading or showing high intentionality either. He hasn't made a concrete plan to make up for the missed promise or suggested a specific second date.
After talking to my friends about it, they told me to ask him out, so I did invite him to an exhibition and was trying to work out a schedule (he knows I work two jobs, but the timings I was free he said he would be weak from gym) so I had to give him a later date that's 3 weeks later to the first. He accepted and started asking me where I was taking him, because I was unsure now if I still wanted to bring him out as I'm confused on the vibes and if I'm over thinking this, I told him I'll let him know closer to the date.
In my head, if a guy is already dropping the ball on small promises during the "pursuit" phase, it’s a sign he’s low-investment. But part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh since the actual time spent together was decent. Am I being unreasonable on expecting a guy to lead since in the past experiences when I've had to lead it usually meant he wasn't that interested or am I having too high standards?
Is this just "first date nerves/forgetfulness," or is he showing me exactly who he is (low effort)? Would you give him a second chance or move on?