u/IndependentNotice331

Our son (6M) has a genetic syndrome that causes behavior issues including ADHD and autism symptoms. He is incredibly talkative (never stops), reactionary and emotional when things don’t go his way, can be fixated on playing only a certain way, and is not very coordinated/athletic. When people don’t want to pay attention to him, he touches/pulls on them or talks in their face. He desperately wants to play with other kids at recess and at aftercare, and does not realize that kids are making fun of him and do not want to be his friend. We have seen and heard kids in his grade and older call him “Mr. Annoying” or the weirdest kid here.” He struggles to integrate into other kids games (soccer, etc). He tries to bring small toys to aftercare that he thinks the others will like, and he brought home a toy “gift” that another boy brought him — an Elmo figurine that the boy said was for our son because he’s a baby. My son insists that this is his friend and thinks he is being kind. It’s breaking my heart.

I recognize that my son’s behaviors make it hard for him to maintain friendships. He cannot read social cues, doesn’t know when to quit. We are trying to guide his behavior, provide examples of how to better interact. It works ok for play dates/ activities where we can supervise. But at school he is clearly getting a reputation that we worry will not be reversible soon.

We have our first doc appt to discuss specific ADHD treatment next week. In the meantime, any tips on helping him gently understand when people aren’t being kind or how to better interact with these kids? I’m so sad about it I’m tempted to pull him from aftercare and keep him home.

My mother is the main caregiver for my grandmother, who is in independent living in my mother’s town. My grandmother should be in assisted or even nursing care, but refuses. She has some dementia and mobility issues. She can take care of her own hygiene and get around her apartment to make meals, but has had several falls, a stroke, and recurring UTIs. When I was young, I did not see the issues with my grandmother and her relationship with her children but it’s extremely toxic. My grandmother is very manipulative, cannot self regulate, has hoarding issues, depression, etc. She refuses a lot of medication and medical treatments. Barely sleeps. She treats my mother horribly. My mother spends 5-6 hours daily at my grandmother’s apartment handling meds, daily cleaning, groceries, appointments, etc. My grandmother will not go to the dining hall for meals and rarely interacts with others in the facility. In her mind, my mother should essentially be living with her 24/7. My mother’s main goal is to keep my grandmother from being angry with her. This is wrecking her life. My mother is in her mid-60s and has young grandkids. My sibling and I both live away, I’m several states away. When we visit, everything revolves around my grandmother. My mother’s sibling will visit and give respite care/time when my mom and dad travel, but otherwise this is constant.

I have young kids and have somewhat set a boundary in my mind that I cannot fix my mother’s relationship with her mom. She is making choices I would not, but it’s not my place to interfere. All of this context is for this question: How can I best support my mother? She asks for nothing, but is clearly extremely stressed. What would help you in this situation?