For reference, I am 18 yrs old, and I have two younger siblings (16 F) and (9 M). My brother was diagnosed with autism when he was 4 years old, and ever since then, my mother (37 F) instilled into me and my younger sister that we were to take care of my brother when her and my father (40 M) couldn't anymore. I was okay with this idea, until the last three years.
He is mostly nonverbal, so he can not form complete sentences other than a few words. Within the last three years, his anger issues have gotten so bad to the point where he constantly damages the home we all live in. He kicks the walls and leaves large holes, and he will kick the same spot to make the hole bigger. He throws toys, silverware, pillows— basically whatever is nearby. He will aim at our living room table to knock things down and will throw his full cup of juice or milk to spill all over the ground. He kicks the glass on our kitchen oven, and two years ago, he even broke the first layer of glass on it. A month ago, he even completely destroyed my mother's plants she was growing because he was in a rage and the same day, he threw his bedroom TV off of its spot on top of his dresser, completely breaking it.
He slams his bedroom door into the wall to the point where the handle has gone through the wall and left a hole. He tears down the curtains of his bedroom as well, and leaves the whole home is dissaray whenever he's in a rage. Today, he left another hole in his bedroom from kicking the wall and kicked a hole through the small heater that is in the room as well. He throws his two tablets he has at anything in the home or even at one of us in the home.
He will scream and cry very loudly while he is raging as well. We try to communicate, but it never works. He has hit my mother and sister many times over the last three years and has left marks on my mom. He does not act this way too much with me, and especially my father, as he is way more strict and raises his voice at my brother more than my mother. These are just a few of the many examples that can come to mind, but the point is that he is very destructive. I have suggested multiple times to both of them about getting my brother some professional help, but it falls on deaf ears. He clearly has anger issues, and he is only getting older and stronger. His doctors say he is going to be over 6 feet tall when he is older. His anger issues need to be under control, or else he could seriously injure my mother or sister one day if my parents continue to allow this to happen.
I am leaving for college in August of this year to pursue criminal justice, and I will be over 5 hours away from home. I am striving to be a police officer in the future and then a detective. I am in a virtual high school, and I am home all day. So, me leaving for college upsets my mother, as I will not be home every day to watch over my brother while my sister is at school, and her and my father are at work.
The topic of me caring for my little brother comes up every other month, and the first time i told my mother I would not want to care for him in the future, she got upset and called me selfish. I explained to her that he requires constant care, and yes, he can open his own snacks and juice boxes, but he can not prepare food from scratch, and he needs us (me, my sister, my mother, and father) to prepare him meals. He sometimes needs supervision while on the toilet, as he cannot properly wipe himself, and also relies on us to give him showers. I also explained to her that with my profession, being an officer and an eventual detective, I can not be home all the time with him. While I do love my little brother, I would not want for him to be living with me in my future home.
Now, my mom looks to my sister (16 F) to take care of him. I feel as though she is stripping my sister away of the future she has going for her by sticking her with my little brother. My sister has expressed her concerns with taking care of him in the future but has reluctantly agreed to take care of him.
While my friend I've had since childhood (23 F) agrees with my point of view, my mother once again called me selfish today when I stood firm in my choice on not taking care of my little brother in the future. She told me I am too "focused on me," which I believe is a good thing, but she does not think it is. I believe she has some jealousy towards me, as I am doing something good for myself. My mother is 37 F, and had me when she was 18 yrs old, the same age I am now. She will make comments not only about me but also my sister as well. She seems to have some sort of jealousy towards my sister and I, which I haven't noticed until recently. She has told me many times that she does not think I will be successful in my law enforcement career, but just last week, I passed my jail officer certification test and I can now be a jail officer in whichever county I choose in my state. I do not want children or a romantic partner, and I have expressed multiple times that I am going to focus on me and my career, so I guess that's me being "selfish," lol. All of the women on my mother and fathers side have had children way too early and never focused on their careers, so me deviating from that is bad, apparently.
While I am firm in my stance, my mother does have a way of making me feel bad. I am curious about everyone's thoughts on this situation. So, AITAH?