(English is not my first language)
I do not have a wish to continue living. The nastiest part is that I have to live for unknown reasons (suicide is considered wrong) I do not believe in. Personally I have no goals no wishes no meaning and no religious beliefs. I don’t see why I must continue to live and work and it’s harder every day. People will never give a meaningful advice or a reason to live. They talk about how you just have to continue. It just doesn’t work for me. The only reason I’m alive is that I’m scared of pain and becoming disabled physically through failing to kill myself.
Every day is a hard labour of surviving and going through bullshit with no reward since I barely enjoy things. I feel like a slave of existence. And the life is a joyless game I wish to quit. I dream of euthanasia.
Whenever I speak of this to my therapist she tells me about my potential in life (like what????) and handful of other things that I do not value. I get pills that make me numb but my thoughts do not change.
Is there anything worth continuing? Will it ever change?