u/Independent_Shop3805

My 5yr old can spend a looong time finishing stuff, and we are always late out the door, late for bed etc.

She is very creative and always starts to play. She can eat supper in the kitchen, and I can tell that she's probably full, but she will use her teaspoon to eat out of her glass of milk (that will take at least 30 minutes), starts role-playing with pieces of apple etc. I am a little torn about not rushing her at the table, because she will answer me "but I'm not full!" And then take one bite.. supper time usually take 30-45 minutes.

Her digestion is really slow, and sometimes I have to trick her to sit on the toilet for a while (she will get constipated if I don't do that). I let her draw or something when she's there, but then she never wants to finish. She can be on the toilet for more than 30 minutes. Pooping might take 15-20 minutes, but she will tell me she has to poop more.. when actually she just wants to keep drawing.

The whole evening routine with supper, bathroom, reading and singing and then bed usually takes at least 1,5 hours. And then I am rushing her, especially when she is slow to put on PJs etc. Sometimes I say that there will be less time for reading unless she hurries. And the vibe often gets bad during bedtime routine because I try to rush her so much.

I've been thinking of getting one of those visual timers. Has anyone done that when it comes to eating and pooping? I don't want her to feel a rush or stress when eating, but I want her to spend a reasanable time and then finish.

Any experience with this?

My soon 5 yr old is usually a very kind, funny, stubborn and smart girl, and I only get good feedback from school. She's always nice to other kids. And for weeks or months things can be relatively harmonic at home too. But then she will get in a "everything is wrong" phase, where she stops listening to me, says mean things to me, does a lot of stuff to provoke me - and will easily fall into hurting me physically. Basically it feels like she is dysregulated 80% of the time.

I'm a single mom so I don't have a partner to step in when this happens. I usually respond calmly, but clearly, and in these phases I always try to focus on giving her lots of praise when she does good stuff (and I have to ignore some of the bad behavior)

But the physical part is soooo triggering to me. Today when she wouldn't stop hitting and kicking I held her feet and hands probably too firmly, I probably look very scary and say NO! In an angry way. I have never had any anger issues before, so my response scares me. It's scary that I'm not able to stay calm. I often/usually go into another room when I feel like this, get some sensory input like cold water to get out of the rage I'm feeling. Today I really felt an urge to throw break something or scream (I didn't do that).

I feel so shameful of not being able to control my anger better. It's really hard when I'm alone with my child (no dad in the picture, but grandparents are around and watch her regularly)

Today I ended up crying together with her several times. I feel like a horrible mom. Could anyone tell me what I can do to become more regulated and in control?