Struggling to view her the same way
I was friends with an avoidant girl for a few years, it was always just an innocent platonic friendship but we both always had a little attraction to each other, it was just never acted on. She was always quiet and distant but I always thought she was still so nice and sweet and nice to talk to, and she really liked my presence too.
To make a long story short, a year ago we got closer as friends and then things got intimate between us, which she initiated herself the first time. Im naturally a person with strong boundaries and she knows that, but things felt right with us and things were great and very intense and she told me I could trust her. I started to grow very strong feelings for her. Just as things were ramping up and she was telling me all these great reassurances and I was planning on making it official the next time we went out, she told me that she actually liked someone else she just met and closed me off, I was completely rug pulled. We reconciled not long after that didnt work out and she apologized but she ended up ghosting me again anyway but it felt like we needed the space anyway, I felt like I was struggling to remain distant even though I was hurting and feeling confused.
We still see each other here and there due to life circumstances but I just don’t know how to view her anymore. Someone I felt so comfortable with before just makes me feel weird now. She made me self worth hit an all time low. I guess we’re still cordial and sometimes thing feel like how they used to be depending on the mood she’s in but now I wonder how I was ever comfortable with her at all, her avoidance is actually just annoying to me now. Do I just keep being cordial with someone that hurt me, even if they didn’t really mean to, as it’s just the result of them being a shitty person (which makes me question why I’d even want them as a friend anymore). I don’t know, would just love to hear from others that maybe went through this