Mixed messages while transitioning to mono: am I being unreasonable?
My partner and I have been together for years. We’ve been open since the start, but we decided to close our relationship in January. The reasons were a mix of things I’d been struggling with varying levels of insecurity, and we were both just less interested in dating other people than we used to be. Closing felt like the right move for us at the time.
He had one other partner he’d been seeing more consistently, and we agreed he’d slowly wind things down with them. I wouldn’t be seeing anyone anymore, sexually or romantically. That felt fair to me, and I told him to take as much time as he needed.
It’s now been almost five months. Over time I noticed he was seeing them less, they weren’t really being intimate anymore, and things seemed to naturally be fading. Then a few weeks ago they told him they missed sleeping with him, and he had a conversation with me about it, where he shared he was afraid for them to get upset, and that in the ideal scenario, at some point it would naturally become a friendship; maybe when they met someone else. Later, he told me he had told them he didn’t want to reinvest in the romantic side anymore. It was ‘a bit sad. But it was Ok.’
That was a little over a week ago.
Tonight he had dinner with them and is now sleeping over at their place. He framed it as ‘friendly vibes’: they ate late, it was convenient. But they’re sleeping in the same bed, and that doesn’t feel consistent with what he told me last week.
I already texted him something calm, told him it felt a bit confusing given what he’d said, and that I’d like to talk tomorrow.
Am I valid in feeling hurt and confused here, or am I being completely unreasonable and unsupportive? I genuinely can’t tell anymore.