Situational Vaginismus? Help!
(AFAB/26)
This is my first time reaching out for help about this issue and I never make online posts like this but I am truly desperate for any relevant help to my situation please!
Okay so ive always been confused if I had vaginismus since I have been able to insert fingers and on rare occasions small sized toys. But ive never been able to go deeper than 2 inches or so cuz of a blockage. It just feels so gross if that makes sense, not necessarily painful (slightly yes) but just so weird that its uncomfortable and I get anxious and cant help the clench. Ive also attempted a pap smear twice recently and was unsucccessful both times sadly so i cant do that either. And i have never been a tampon girlie, tried it once and it was sooo painful (i know its cuz it wasnt in deep enough but i literally couldnt get it thru) so i never tried those again. Its so weird, cuz i feel the closest ive gotten to full insertion is during sexual activities either alone or with my partner (still not had deep insertion tho). When it becomes medical, thats when its literally impossible. I didnt know til recently that situational vaginismus is a thing and it kinda sounds like my case.
Ive also been hesistant to reach out for help because everyone gives the same advice, go see a professional/therapist or buy this and buy that!! Guys im sorry, it doesnt make me feel better cuz i do not have those resources sadly due to being not insured (denied medicaid) so i have free clinics but they are definitely not equipped to handle this kind of issue, not for free. My last appointment they kept saying "we can refer you to therapy for anxiety meds and refer you to a gyno that specifically treats trauma-based insertion!" ah okay cool, so there are no options that dont require money per appt or monthly pay outs? guess ill suffer and never be able to address this issue since i wont get charged for that.
I just want free and accessible ways for people with vulvas to deal with their health! I might be getting sensitive about it to since im mad womens health is not taken seriously and is way behind with research due to misogyny. I hate feeling frustrated at myself especially hating being fem/having a "difficult" vulva (i know its not my fault, just so over it)
Im grateful to anyone who read and is sending any advice or support🙏🏼 Thanks guys, im trying to look up but i feel so alone and far from a solution.