confused about myself [18 M]
confused about myself
throwaway acc for well obvious reasons
let me start with the premise that i have no experience in dating, my only measure of sexuality is porn and daily life.
im a man who, since his earliest years, has had interest in girls. However, lately, gay porn is the only thing that can get me hard.
Recalling back, i always got off to straight porn not because it turned me on by itself, but i had to manually jack my dick off to get hard. Gay porn instead has me hard without touching myself, and the thought of gay acts does elicit a reaction in me.
Now, that sounds gay af right? well the issue is, i do not like men romantically. And I never did.
I read stories of how many gay people found out they were actually gay, and most of them started out in prepubescent/early teens years, looking at male models/classmates etc.. I never had anything like that. Never fantasized about my friends, never had interest in boys etc
While instead I had a crush on a girl in 3rd grade, and a recurring dream of a woman in underwear that always had me feeling fuzzy as i woke up.
Then as i was like 13-14 i tried gay porn for the first time. I liked it. Somehow never considered myself gay, and my go-to stayed straight porn. I would rarely make use of gay porn
But now im 18 and unsure of whatever the fuck i am. I still feel romantically attracted strictly to girls, but i cant for the life of me have huge boners for them, while it is the opposite for men. Is this possible? Or is my mind completely fucked up for an excessive use of porn? It seems like denial just to say that my attraction to men is induced by porn, which is just impossible. However i searched online and saw that it is possible for the mind to search for something more "intense" or "taboo" for greater dopamine spike after a daily use of porn, but idk, no straight man watchea gay porn so it feels like this doesnt really apply to me.
I know ive written alot and i apologize for that lol but i had to get this off my chest and ask people who actually have been through their own journey of finding out what they like.