Can someone tell me if I’m asking for too much?
I’m a FTM and I don’t know if my expectations are too high or if my hormones are causing me to over react or what is happening so I am looking for some advice.
Some context: My husband (M28) and I (F25) had our first baby 11 weeks ago. I am breast feeding and pumping due to an over supply, and so someone else can feed baby if needed. I haven’t had the easiest journey so far with breast feeding. I just got my son to wean off of the nipple shield so that is a win, but i’ve had mastitis 3 times in the past 11 weeks. Each time has been excruciating pain with a high fever and has been incredibly hard for me to care for our LO while he is at work. My husband works Monday - Friday and leaves the house at 7:30 am and gets home around 6 pm. He works as a mechanic so his job is labor intensive. He has the weekends off, but occasionally picks up some odd jobs for extra cash and recently has been helping his buddy with yard work on Saturdays.
I am obviously the primary care taker and parent. I’m not working right now to take care of LO since daycare is just too expensive and him being so little. I will be going back to work part time in a couple weeks since my mother is a teacher and will be able to watch him while out of school for summer break.
Our LO is not an easy baby. He’s pretty gassy even though I burp him like crazy and have cut dairy out of my diet completely (he was having diarrhea allll the time and this has cleared that up). He will only contact nap/sleep so that pretty much ties me to the bed/couch and I bed share at night following safe sleep 7 just so we both can get some sleep. He fights sleep so it is pretty difficult to get him down for naps and at night. He is also on omeprazole for reflux.
I am with baby 24/7, almost no breaks. When my husband comes home, he generally will pick up where i’ve left off with cleaning like dishes, bottles and laundry. He will also make dinner, whether that’s a full blown meal or something quick because he’s tired. and I appreciate him doing that after a long day I don’t want to sound ungrateful.
I’m tired. I feel like a single mother with a roommate. My husband hasn’t given our son a bath, rarely ever gives him his medication, doesn’t do and shifts with me during the week days since he works and I want him to get some sleep. I have to ask my husband to watch our LO to get a shower. I don’t have any time to myself. He sleeps in the living room on the couch so he can get restful sleep and not wake with me and baby.
We tried doing shifts on the weekend since he doesn’t work, but if my husband doesn’t get sleep he is incredibly grumpy and rude. He also has a really hard time soothing baby since he rarely spends any time with us. I just hear baby crying and my husband saying “dude come on” and has actually told him to shut up once. I hesitate to have my husband watch him now because of him being unable to soothe him and how rude he gets when he doesn’t get enough sleep. But i’m quickly becoming resentful. I get angry when he says he is tired. He sleeps 8+ hours every night how the fuck is he tired when I wake 2-4 times each night (depending on if it’s a bad night or not).
When I try to bring up having him help with childcare, he says I don’t appreciate everything he’s doing to support us financially and with house work. I appreciate what he does, I just need a break.
Am i expecting too much? If he makes dinner, cleans the house and provides financially, should I not expect to get breaks on the weekend? I honestly don’t know. And if I should be getting breaks I don’t know what shifts would look like and would love advice about that. I want to make this work between us, but I’m starting to become really resentful and I’m not sure what to do. Please give me advice.