My SIL is make me down size to move her friend in to pay the mortgage
Im honestly at at lose and feel so defeated its a bit hard to explain but honestly i have nothing to lose I just need outside opinions because this whole situation has become so dysfunctional that I genuinely don’t even know if I’m overreacting anymore.
For context F 26, my family situation has always been messy. My brother and I don’t really speak to our parents. I still talk to our older sister, and he’s only recently started trying to rebuild his relationship with her after years of family drama. My SIL pretty much only has her dad, and honestly, her dad has zero respect for anyone around him. The entire dynamic in this house is exhausting.
The hardest part is my brother because I genuinely think he’s stuck in a really unhealthy relationship where he just keeps the peace instead of standing up for himself. I know he feels trapped, and as hurt as I am, I also refuse to become another person forcing him to choose between his sister and his family because our family has already done that to him enough over the years.
A couple years ago, after my brother and I repaired our relationship, they convinced me to move onto their property. Everyone warned me not to do it. Literally everyone. And now I honestly feel stupid for not listening.
At the time, they apparently had it in their heads that eventually my ex and I would end up moving in together there. My brother later told me they genuinely expected that to happen. Obviously that didn’t happen hence why I say my ex and honestly now I just feel like I’ve become a burden because their original plan for how this setup was supposed to work financially never happened.
For the last 2 years I’ve been living in what is basically a converted shed/granny flat on their property. It’s okay for one person, but it’s still basically a glorified shed. I pay $400 a fortnight. I’m also currently on WorkCover for a psychological injury and haven’t returned to full-time hours yet, so financially and mentally things have already been hard enough.
The power situation has always confused me too. My little converted space and my sister-in-law’s dad’s granny flat are side-by-side and connected to the same power setup. I barely use anything because I’m constantly stressed about being told the power bills are too high. Apparently there have been bills over $1,000 and then another $800 not long after despite solar panels being on the property. Meanwhile her dad lives there rent-free. So now I’m genuinely starting to wonder whether I’ve basically been helping pay for HIS electricity too while being guilt-tripped for using a heater.
Then about a week ago my sister-in-law randomly asked me:
“Has your brother spoken to you about moving into the spare room?”
He hadn’t.
That was literally the FIRST conversation.
Not:
“Hey, we’re struggling financially.”
Not:
“Can we work something out?”
Not:
“We might need to increase rent.”
Straight away it was basically:
“We want you to move into a tiny detached room so my friend can move into your current room.”
The room they want me to move into barely even feels livable long-term. It doesn’t properly lock, it’s freezing, and I’d have to walk into the main house for the bathroom and kitchen. ONLY after I reacted badly did they start bringing up mortgage stress and rent increases.
Then suddenly they wanted to increase my rent from $400 a fortnight to $800 a fortnight.
And honestly? I understand needing more money. Cost of living is awful right now. I don’t even mind paying more rent within reason. But doubling it overnight while I’m on WorkCover and not back at full-time hours is insane to me.
Apparently the plan is to move her friend in and charge her around $500 a week because they need more money for the mortgage. But this is where I feel like I’m losing my mind because… her friend doesn’t even work. My brother himself doesn’t even really want this arrangement to happen. Her dad is STILL living here rent-free nearly 10 years later despite not owning the property or being on the mortgage. And somehow I’m the one expected to downgrade my living situation and absorb all the pressure.
And honestly, nobody in this house can have an adult conversation. EVERYTHING is through text messages. Nobody sits down face to face. Nobody communicates properly. It’s all passive aggressive comments, avoidance, tension, and indirect conversations until things eventually explode.
The environment has become incredibly toxic over time. There’s constant blame, emotional manipulation, and situations where I’ve genuinely felt intimidated and unsafe. I’ve literally stood toe to toe with her dad during arguments trying to get away from him while somehow still becoming the problem afterward. Mind you my nephews witnessed the whole thing.
Meanwhile I’m sitting there thinking:
Why am I, the youngest adult involved, the only one saying this whole situation sounds unrealistic and unsustainable?
Because once I move out of my current space, that’s it. I’m not becoming the backup option later if this arrangement fails. If they’re relying on someone paying that much extra rent to survive financially, then they’re locking themselves into constantly needing somebody in that room permanently.
The sad part is I actually could leave if I had to. Thankfully I do have people around me willing to help me if things completely fall apart. But it still hurts because I’ve tried SO hard to stay calm, understanding, supportive, and keep the peace because at the end of the day my brother and I only really have each other family-wise, and I love my nephews more than anything.
But now I just feel disposable the second I became financially inconvenient.
Am I genuinely overreacting for feeling hurt and disrespected by this whole situation?
I think some people are also misunderstanding what I meant when I said I have places I could stay if things completely fell apart. I didn’t mean I’m financially in a position to just pack up tomorrow and happily move into my own place overnight. I meant I wouldn’t literally be homeless if things blew up suddenly. I’m on WorkCover, which in Australia means reduced income, and on top of that my payments/pay have already been messed up recently, so there are a lot of financial realities I have to consider before I can realistically relocate properly.
So yes, I understand moving out is the long term solution. I’ve already acknowledged that. But there’s a difference between “eventually able to move” and “financially stable enough to uproot your life immediately with zero planning.”
I’m trying to navigate this practically and calmly, not irresponsibly.
Edit I also forgot to mention it one big property with the main house being sil, bro and newphews
The granny flat sil dads lives in
Shouse my living area
It’s quite normal for family out here to do this obviously if there financially stable