How do you “just eat” any type of food?
so for the past 8 years probably longer of my life (23 F) I’ve struggled with disordered eating. at its peak when i was around 13-15 i was anorexic and i struggled with over exercising. i also was a competitive distance runner which only complicated things for me health wise.
as i’ve grown and matured i slowly got over a lot of the struggles i faced. i was eating more regularly and i was afraid to eat fear foods, i also toned it down with my exercise. things were relatively ok until last year when a lot of shit came up for me at once. i was a burnt out college senior going through a shitty final semester, i was struggling with ocd and anxiety, and i was experiencing hormonal weight gain which triggered to fuck out of me.
now i’m a year out of college and a few months ago i began feeling the urge to restrict and monitor my exercise again because of how much weight i gained and then lost. i’m afraid of always having this issue. i’ve obviously went to medical professionals who either ignored my concerns until i got a diagnosis for PCOS.
last night i was with my girlfriend and we were our late afternoon a movie. we hadn’t eaten yet but had expected to get something in the are after, but the only things that were open was Herbies (burger place) and a pizza joint. i told her i didn’t want either bc i already had a burger and a big dinner yesterday but i also knew i was being difficult. i ended up eating at home and she got the burger but i felt guilty bc i knew that i partly didn’t get it bc i was afraid of feeling full and it contributing to my body image issues.
i don’t understand how people just eat and let it not bother them. especially talking about “unhealthy”food. i made the point that i need to be drunk to eat that type of food which kind of freaked me out bc i know i would freak out if i ate them sober.
any advice or relation to these experiences would be helpful:)