Sorry in advance for my English, I'm not using Ai. By saying "his country" I mean my country as well, we come from the same one but I live one country over from him.
I met this guy online. We chatted for 2 months. He was easy to talk to, kind and considerate. I also find him attractive (he's a bit chubby and shorter which is my type of guy). He lives in the neighboring country.
I invited him over. We had a nice time. Nothing really happend (intimate) - I didn't want to rush things and he didn't do any move. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel anything for him. I did, I have a crush on him.
I planed everything because I was the host and because he mentioned that he used to plan every trip for other people so I wanted something new for him. I think it went nice, we ate out in good places and went to the city and the lake here. We also spent evenings watching stuff together and talking.
Once he got home to his country we started planning our next getaway together. Due to my working schedule, flight hours, my finances and not many vacation days we could only meet at my place or in his country. I explained to him my financial situation, that I can't afford expensive flights and hotel stays+hotels at this moment. For the last 6 months I was paying my debt and now I want to save up for a car. It's not expensive but still I need to save 25% of my salary for over half a year.
Anyway he said that's ok and that my financial situation is my own (meaning he won't judge me for it) and that we can meet in his country and see a city. At first the whole thing was more about us spending time together. He said his country isn't his favorite to visit since he lives there, but again, it's about us spending time together and companionship.
He said that I should choose the city since he wants me to have a nice time and visit something I want. I insisted that we chat about it and choose something together. I wanted for us both to pick 2 cities each and then do the online lottery thing. I gave my 2 and he gave his 1 picks and his won. Again he insisted that he feels bad about this and that he wanted for me to be happy and go where I want to go to.
So I budged and chose the city X. It's like a mid size city in his country, nothing spectacular but I remembered reading on some nerd stuff and came across an armor that supposed to be there that I might see. I'm also into art and I know that even smalled cities have a lot of culture so I was quick to find art galleries, restaurants, some foresty parks for some rest and chance to talk. The architecture looks cool too - think medieval, renessance, some modern stuff and a river flowing through it.
At first he was kinda rushing me to choose and city and plan stuff, he even apologized for it. Once I had the fleshed out plan he kind of didn't reacted to it. What I mean by that the tone of his text shifted.
Then I got a text that he got ridiculed for wanting to go to city X in the first place by his friend. She she said to him "why on earth would you choose to come here for vacation!. There's nothing here" (she lives there) . It felt weird, like he didn't want to go there. Also I told him it was I that got ridiculed because I chose the X city, he dismissed it. Then he stared to give me other options to see there, which again was weird since he didn't address mine and there was no time to see all of them.
All of it left a sour taste and I felt confused. First he insisted I choose the city and plan everything then he seems to be very not into it. And I stated to feel sad and angry and disoriented.
After some thought and an emotional internal tornado I went through I've decided no to go. I told him that I think he doesn't want to go there and I won't be spending 2+ days with somebody who doesn't want to be there. That he says it's mostly about us being together but I think it's super important for him where he exactly travels to. And I think it's important for him what his friends and family think of his travel destination.
He said I took everything the wrong way. That he wants to go still and yes it's not his fav city and he doesn't like to travel through his own country but it's ALSO about us being together. And that the thing his friend told him was a joke.
And I don't know. I like him. I was sad when I left him at the airport but I don't want to be put in no win scenarios (choose something whatever, then bad). I'm going to talk to him over the phone later, because it's better than text but idk. I also offered to pay for the hotels if he can't cancel them.
Let me know what you think, if I'm overreacting. If both of us are the red flags and how to navigate the situation. I'd appreciate it. Also I don't really care where we go I just want to see him but I'm up for planning and I enjoy mostly everything new.
edit some typos