Catching a cheater, gaslighting
Hello everyone, I’ve come here for an advice. I’m currently facing a very difficult times during my marriage. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible and try to include all the highlights of the story so you can understand the story better.
Okay, so I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and we have a child and I’m currently 6 months pregnant with our second. Ive brought him from another country through a spouse visa 4 years ago, and ever since we started living here I’ve noticed him being secretive etc and to make it to the point, I have caught him through surveillance with another woman etc and other ig post likes, corn issue, and other texts with his clients that I find that cross the border. Anyways, up until now he’s always been apologetic and “regretful” of all those things and promised he wouldn’t give me any reason to doubt him. Everytime I kept forgiving him as you can tell. Because overall he seems like a good man, BUT he always hides his purchase, refuses to have shared bank account, turns off his locations randomly and he think these are all normal and that he shouldn’t be telling me where he goes or disappears when the location is off…
Recently, he had a 5 weeks trip overseas for a family matter back home, and it’s been 3 weeks since he’s back. And he’s been very cold, and we haven’t really had any intimacy. I have bought lingerie and surprised him couple of times and he claimed he was either tired or not in the mood. I believed that he was unattracted to me because of my pregnancy….. but also I noticed his phone is always on “do no disturb” mode when he gets home and during the day when he’s at work it wasn’t not in that mode. So, as a good wife I didn’t wanna start an argument and like Mel robins says just tried doing the “let him” theory and just observe.
Highlight of story‼️Coming closer to the point. So he came up with the idea that he wants to try modeling after his trip and said that a friend of his friend referred him to an agent and that she works with huge brands and that he needs to meet this person to see if she likes him. And a day before meeting her, she apparently referred him to a celebrity hairstylist and he goes and gets a haircut. After the appointment I noticed that his location was off, and I was like hm that’s weird because we agreed that he’d get a haircut and just come back home to grab breakfast, so he left at 9 am and came back home at 2 pm that day. And to the turned off location he says it wasn’t off his phone just died. Which is a bs because he’s addicted to his phone. But I couldn’t prove anything so I just ignore.
So the day comes and he goes to meet the “agent” at one of Weho’s well known upscale restaurants and I don’t think much of it. I truly thought it was an agent.
Fast forward to recent days, one of my gfs invited me to hang out and I cooked a fresh home cooked meal like I do every single day. And even though we weren’t talking due to a silly argument( he doesn’t wanna open a cc/debit card with me…. ) on my way there I texted him saying i picked up our child from school, there’s a fresh food waiting and that I’m going out with the friend that he knows.
So, he got off work & went to the gym. Oh forgot to mention that prior to that he was “preparing me” and saying oh my glutes hurt I need a massage. And I’m in medical field and always treat him, he never in these 7 years wanted to get a massage. I was like hm ok weird but okkk.
So, while I’m with the friend I check his location and notice that his location is off again. And it came back online about 2-3 hours after. And the next day, when I nicely ask how was the gym and how long he played for. He couldn’t answer. He was like oh I don’t remember blah blah. I asked why was your location off where did you go after the gym and he said home. But it was a lie. He kept denying it, but then said yes I went & didn’t want you to worry. 🤣 excuse me what?
After a lot of thinking and putting all the puzzles together, and checking his call logs, I realized that this supposedly “agent” woman calls him and he calls her all the time and they talk for 30 mins sometimes and it’s every day thing. I searched the number and it showed me a very well known popular salon in LA. She’s got a lot of followers & has a successful business. I’m 100000% sure that he’s sleeping with that woman. There are many other clues to the puzzles that I’ve been noticing and just putting it together. If I write them all I’m afraid no one will read it. 🥺 I swear I’m not crazy, I’m not being dramatic or jealous. It’s me just observing and seeing his reaction to me just asking regular questions and him getting very aggressive, cold, he even threw an orange juice on the front window of car while I was about to drive off because he thought he forgot his phone in the car…..
I’m honestly so lost and can’t believe I’m going through this. I wanna prove that he’s lying/cheating. Maybe the woman knows that he’s got a family and doesn’t care, maybe she doesn’t. How do I catch him? Because if I confront he’ll of course deny everything. Should I hire someone? Do I go and talk to her? ….. please I need your opinion, advice, words of wisdom, anything that you might wanna share will be helpful and appreciated. If you read the whole thing, thank you sm🥲🫶🏻