hello all, i’m sorry this may be a long one. i’ll try to explain as best as i can without being too detailed. basically ive (21f) been with my boyfriend (23m) for almost 7 years now. “high school sweethearts” and all that i guess. things have been getting really rough the past 2-3 years but im so scared to end things and i don’t know if its the BPD keeping me stuck or something else
i don’t know if i love him or just love the thought of being with someone/having someone there for me. he’s lazy, there’s no more romance in our relationship, he’s dismissive of everything, he’s not considerate of anyone and it’s really pissing me off honestly. i tried to tell him that it felt like we were just roommates that slept in the same bed and he didn’t seem to even acknowledge that i don’t feel like we’re “partners” anymore.
i tried to break things off about 2 years ago now and he convinced me to take a week break from him, didn’t have to interact (we lived in the same house) or talk to him. i could have my space. not even 24 hours later i was right back to him apologizing. i was so scared to lose the only thing ive had this long.
we got our own apartment 8 months ago now and its gone downhill so fast. i’m scared that if i leave him, i wont find anything better or end up with someone worse. im comfortable but not happy with what i have.
how do i get over the fear of leaving him or to get out of the mindset keeping me stuck with him? i know i have an out, i just dont know how to bring myself to cut things off permanently after giving him numerous chances..