How to find my spark again after losing myself in a long-term relationship
I’m four months out of a breakup – six years, living together, amicable ending. It was a long time coming so I did a lot of pre-processing so I’m not heartbroken or anything. I’m seeing friends, putting more effort into my work, making plans.
And yet I feel like I have a long way to go to get my spark back. I feel so wholly different to who I was before we met. The age stage is probably relevant too – met at 27, I’ve just turned 33. I hold absolutely no bad blood towards this person (we just weren’t right for each other) and I hold myself accountable for my part in letting this happen, but I do think a lot of my energy and drive and passion for life drained away in the relationship. For example, my ex didn’t have the same sense of humour as me so I altered my humour around him and that seeped into other areas of my life to the point where I feel like I’m not as funny as I used to be! When I was dating before, I had so much confidence in my ability to vibe with anyone, give anyone I was out with the best date of their life, be sharp and quick witted and so flirtatious. Now, the thought of dating again is horrifying because I have so little confidence in my ability to be that funny, vivacious, flirtatious version of myself.
I also gained a bunch of weight and have been struggling to lose it, so my confidence in my physical appearance is shot too. Any advice on how to get my spark back would be so appreciated. I know all the obvious things like keep going to the gym, get some new hobbies, meet some new people… though I could probably do with being told to do them anyway 😄 I feel like there’s a lot of talk about the post break-up glow up and it’s not really happening for me, so any experience or other suggestions you can give would be super appreciated, especially if you relate to the losing your humour/vibe bit. I almost feel like I need a cheat sheet!