My family tells me that my life is just beginning, that I only need to focus on school for now and enjoy my teenage years, but I have absolutely no idea on how to do that, and I feel like I'm running out of time.
Even though I'm aware that this is a very normal problem to experience, and that this fact is supposed to make me feel like I am not alone, it makes it worse. If it's something that happens to so many people my age, why can't I simply follow the advice that was already given?
This is not to say having this issue is ''normal'' or a good thing or trying to invalidate any issue another person may be going through, it's just frustrating to have every solution to make my life better displayed in front of me, and being unable to act on any of it only because I lack the energy for it.
The logical solution is to be as understanding as I would be with other people, to tell myself that these things take time and effort and treat myself with a little more kindness but that just feels SO wrong. Since I'm aware of my troubles and know how to solve them why can't I just do that? Why do I have to make everything so complicated?
And everything comes back to that cycle. Makes me think that I'm just whiny, dramatic, and a person who won't even lift a finger to change their current situation.
My lack of motivation to do quite literally anything and the feeling that I'm not good enough to pursue my passions or to share them with anyone makes me feel like I'm going insane and is probably one of the roots of this problem. Worst part is that my parents are so supportive and nice to me, and tell me they love me. I can't talk to them about my thoughts either because I don't want them to think I'm just trying to make up problems for myself. If I have such great parents why can't I be as happy as they want me to be?
There are so many hobbies I want to try, projects I want to finish, subjects I want to study and people I want to talk to but it all just feels SO tiring and frustrating. Specially socializing, even when I'm with my partner I feel like I must be morally perfect, always do the ''right thing'' or cater to everyone's needs.
It's a pain to talk to anybody about this because I feel like I'm wasting their time or I'm trying to act like a victim. Maybe I spend too much time inside my head, but it's hard not to when I don't have the energy to do anything else. I'm also not trying to be pessimistic, I really hope it gets better. Even writing this feels really weird because I don't know why I'm complaining and venting if I probably won't do anything about my situation later on.