How do you deal with isolation?
I’m an 18 year old INTP (graduating HS and going to college in a few months) who really wants social connection, yet I am yet to find a group of people who really make me feel comfortable and who I want to be around.
I’ve felt extremely lonely since the age of around 15-16. It’s likely my own fault, as I started avoiding people once I began to feel that I was left out often and didn’t really connect too well with a lot of people, and felt that a lot of my relationships were very shallow. People like me and I even won Junior Prom King, but I didn’t have people to do things with, and I began noticing that I spent almost all my nights alone. Which took a toll on me over time.
Then my family life started getting much worse, and this year I’ve felt very depressed and lonely, and I’ve begun to idealize the idea of doing something about it (I’ve felt this way for a year or two now, but the last few weeks has been serious). I don’t like it at all. I like to be in control of my emotions and what I show people, and I feel like I’m losing that control.
I recently had a super deep talk with a friend I’ve known for a while, and I actually broke down in front of him. Which makes me cringe quite a bit thinking about it now, but it actually felt extremely needed at the time. That talk is what is saving me right now - I don’t really see him out of school and he has his own friend group, but at least I have someone I can share things with that I would never tell anyone else now. Although I’d rather not let my emotions get in the way of things, I think I’m to the point where I have to address them.
Anyway, I think I’ve realized now that I am seemingly unable to find people to do things with and who I enjoy being around. It’s seemed impossible to find a friend or group who I click with for the last few years, and the mental toll it is taking on me is scary. Has anyone else experienced something like this? And if so, how did you deal with it?
I’ve always preferred being alone, but being alone seemingly all the time has worn me down. A lot. Especially watching everyone else not be.