I (39f) found out my husband (39m) had an emotional affair that turned into a physical one with (28f co-worker) and this betrayal trauma roller-coaster is destroying me.
Back story I met my husband when I was in middle school and I started dating him my freshman year of high school. He has been my one and only my whole life and I used to be that for him but he destroyed that. I have been the stay-at-home mother turned working mom and military spouse for 20 years and he started working a second job in the last few months of his military career. That is where he met her after she moved here with her military spouse and apparently they hit it off right away. I hate that I wasn't trusting before when we were younger and he wasn't cheating but I let that all go just for him to cheat on me. He only knew her for 2 months before they were messaging each other and talking about their everyday lives and their "marriage troubles" that i didn't even know we had. I mean every relationship has dry spells but falling for someone else and telling them you live them is a completely different thing and sleeping with them is a line that should never be crossed but here I am 3 months postDD and I am in a constant state of feeling lived again and then like a wrecking ball something happens, I read something, see something and I am right back to day one. I'm glad he quite that job after I caused a seen when he went to work with her after I learned the truth but he never should have went in, but I still feel like I'm falling apart and the worst part is that I see it aging me from the inside out.
I want to make things work and I know big life chooses this soon after are not wise but I feel stuck. In a house that is 5 streets away from her house that I drive past to go to work. A constant reminder of what was and what should have been as we moved past our military lives and into a civilian one with our kids but now it all feels ruined. To make matters worse I fundamentally hate cheaters and I have always believed that a committed relationship is between you and your partner not others, he has since all this that he has never believed that you can only love one person and tgat he will never regret their friendship. He regrets that his choices hurt me, what I am supposed to do with that? I know this is all over the place but that is how my brain seems to work now and I just want real peace again because I know I can never have my marriage back, I have to except a new version, which is complete bull and will never be fair.