I've never felt this alone.
Is it just me or is the world going insane?
I guess this is my first Reddit post, my anxiety held me back from ever interacting with anyone online, even anonymously. I've been craving genuine, real human connections, and I feel like it's a rare thing to find. Or maybe I'm just not looking in the right places.
I don't mean to trauma dump, but I really have nowhere else to take this. I apparently have BPD, Bipolar disorder, and ADHD. I'm stuck in an endless brutal cycle of getting jobs and losing them in record time because I just can't cope with my anxiety, gaining and losing friends because I act crazy or stupid or hyperactive or intensely sad, and these are things that I truly feel like I have no control over.
Making music helps, sometimes. I just feel like something is fucked in my brain, like I'm seeing the world with the worst possible perspective, like I'm stuck, or doomed. I tried to >!kill myself !< multiple times and even once really recently. I reach the point where I wanna meet God, or whatever god is if he exists, I wanna ask questions and understand myself, instead of waking up everyday forgetting who I am. I'd truly give my life to understand how I work.
Anyway, I guess this was just a random rant. I just wanted to get it out of my system. Thank you for taking the time to read.