I (F24) have been with my bf (M25) for almost 3 years. We’ve honestly had a really solid relationship and I’ve always thought he trusted me completely which is why this whole situation feels blown way out of proportion.
A few months ago I started working at a new office and became friends with one of my coworkers Jake (fake name) (M27). He’s super outgoing and jokes around with everyone but apparently my bf thinks he’s obviously into me.
At first I thought he was overthinking because Jake has never directly said he likes me or anything. But I’ll admit he does flirt sometimes. He compliments me a lot calls me work wife brings me coffee without asking and finds excuses to come sit at my desk during breaks.
My bf met him once when he picked me up from work and afterward immediately said
That guy wants you
I laughed it off because I thought he was being dramatic
But since then it’s become a constant argument. My bf says I encourage Jake because I never shut the flirting down. He especially got upset after Jake started texting me outside of work. Most of it is memes or complaining about work drama but occasionally he’ll say stuff like
If you were single I’d definitely take you out
or
Your bf is lucky
I usually just laugh it off or ignore those comments because I genuinely don’t know how to respond without making things awkward at work
Well last week things completely blew up
My office had a small after-work hangout at a bar and Jake got pretty drunk. At one point we were taking a group picture and he put his arm around me and said One day she’ll realize I’m the better option
Everyone awkwardly laughed except my bf. I could literally SEE how angry he was getting
Before I could even say anything my bf looked at Jake and went
Keep talking like that and we’re gonna have a problem
Jake laughed and said
What You scared she might agree with me
And that immediately set my bf off
They started yelling at each other in the middle of the bar. Jake kept saying my bf was insecure and controlling while my bf kept calling him disrespectful and pathetic for going after someone in a relationship
Then Jake shoved him first
And my bf FULLY swung on him
Suddenly they were actually fighting on the floor while people were screaming and trying to separate them. Drinks got knocked over someone dropped a tray of food and me plus two of my coworkers practically had to DRAG my bf off Jake because he would not stop
Jake ended up with a busted lip and my bf got kicked out of the bar. One of my managers was there too which made everything 100x worse
Afterward my bf kept saying he didn’t regret anything because Jake had it coming and claimed none of this would’ve happened if I had set boundaries from the beginning
I got frustrated and told him he was being ridiculous and jealous and that I don’t even think of Jake that way. I told him it was just harmless flirting and he was acting like I cheated on him over some jokes That honestly made him even angrier.
He said the issue was never whether I liked Jake back it was the fact I kept allowing another man to openly disrespect our relationship right in front of him while dismissing his feelings every single time he brought it up
He also said
I cared more about not making things awkward with Jake than respecting my own bf
Since then he’s been avoiding my calls and texts and refuses to talk to me. A few of my friends think he overreacted by fighting Jake but others are saying I basically ignored obvious boundaries for months and kept invalidating my bf until he snapped
Any advice is appreciated?