Cease and Desist Letter -- Is the risk of escalation worth it?
I got divorced five years ago. Nex refuses to take the actions required to complete the settlement, it's just a IRA transfer, but he won't open the right kind of account, won't provide the correct documents, nothing. I *know* I can file a motion to compel, I KNOW, but I'm not paying a lawyer and the courts good money to make him take his awarded settlement. Fuck that.
He's continually threatened legal action. I have been a zen master of gray rock, every time he contacts me I say the same thing, almost verbatim. I know because I looked -- I have kept everything in case one day he does make good on his threats. I say I'm ready to review the documents and complete the settlement, please have your bank or lawyer contact me.
Along with the legal threats, he "wants to talk." I do not want to talk, but every time I say I'll consider it but will only communicate in writing.
This works, and then several months later -- he's gone as long as nine months, I think, he's back again. Last time he did this, I simply didn't reply. So he went after my financial planner, requesting information and lobbing vague threats about a "fraud lawyer." The planner had been patiently trying to help him complete the transaction, but as he got increasingly combatant, we agreed they would no longer be his contact. They now send him to the bank.
(I figure at this point his lawyer is like "Bro, you have no case because you haven't actually done the paperwork to accept the transfer. Your inaction isn't wrongdoing on her part. If you file the papers and she doesn't deliver, call me back." It's a theory, probably a fair one. )
But I'm annoyed, as was his plan, probably. So I email him and say hey, the planner isn't your contact anymore, and they won't give you personal information. Please contact the bank if you are ready to do the transfer and as always, if there are legal or financial issues, that needs to come fro your lawyer. Anything else, put it in writing, I'll consider it. Fuck you very much, have a nice day.
This seems textbook narc. Didn't get what he wanted from me directly so he escalated until I felt compelled to act. I think I did okay, my response could have been cut and pasted from many previous replies. He'll probably go dark for another six months.
I want this to stop. I'm so tired of it. It's been years of vague threats and it feels like harassment and intimidation. I've considered sending a formal cease and desist, but I'm concerned that this will create further escalation on his part, given, you know, the narcissism. Same thing with motion to compel, in addition to costing me money, it's an escalation. He moved really far away -- literally across an ocean -- but I have low key dread I'll find him on my porch one day.
Am I stuck in this eternal purgatory of gray rocking him until my divorce decree is unenforceable? More optimistically, is his recent escalation a sign that it's... actually working and he's heading for collapse? What on god's green earth could he want to talk about and why won't he just WRITE IT DOWN?
This is fucking ridiculous.
Ugh. Thank you.