u/Ineedhelpistaken

I 19M have been with my girlfriend 19F for 4 years.

Last year she became close friends with a guy from school, I will call him X. At first it made me uncomfortable and we talked about it. Recently they started talking a lot again and have become close again. They text often and she has told me they will probably hang out again too.

I trust her and she has never actually given me a reason not to. She also says if they hang out she will usually try to include other people so I feel more comfortable. She has been understanding about my feelings even if we disagree sometimes.

The problem is more with me overthinking everything whenever they are together or talking a lot. My brain keeps imagining scenarios and I end up checking my phone constantly, feeling anxious, comparing myself to him, or getting quiet and distant with her afterwards even when nothing actually happened.

I do not want to become controlling or make her feel guilty for having friends. I also do not want my anxiety to damage the relationship. I want to learn how to stay calm and stop spiraling when situations like this happen.

For people who have dealt with jealousy, insecurity, or overthinking in relationships, what actually helped you calm your thoughts and stop obsessing over situations like this in the moment?

Length of relationship: 4 years

TLDR: My girlfriend has become close again with a male friend and even though I trust her, I overthink a lot whenever they talk or spend time together. Looking for advice from people who learned how to manage jealousy/anxiety in a healthy way.

I 19M have been with my girlfriend 19F for 4 years.

We have always been really close and respectful with each other. Last year a guy from her school came into her life, I will call him X. From the start they became very close and it made me uncomfortable. I told her how I felt and she backed off and they stopped talking as much.

I do not have a problem with her having male friends, just not very close ones.

Now about a year later they have started talking a lot again and we recently had an argument about it. She told me she chooses her freedom and can talk to whoever she wants, which I understand. I have never tried to forbid her from anything. But now they text pretty much daily and seem very close again which makes me uncomfortable.

She has told me she is going to hang out with him again, including situations where they could be alone together, and I find it difficult to respond in those moments without it turning into an argument.(She did tell me she would always invite another common friend to prevent being alone)

The other day she invited me over to study but I could not go. She then asked if it would be okay if he came over instead so she would not be alone. She said she would understand if I was not okay with it and suggested they could go to a library instead. I told her I was not comfortable with them being alone together.

She also recently invited him to a party that I am going to, and I am unsure how to handle being around both of them in that setting.

She says I need to work on my insecurities and suggested I should talk to him, which I do not feel comfortable doing. She also said she will try to include other people if they hang out so I feel better, which I appreciate.

I do trust her, but I still feel uncomfortable with how close they are becoming again.

What are some specific phrases or ways to communicate in the moment when she tells me she plans to hang out with him alone, and how can I express my boundaries clearly without escalating the situation into an argument?

Length of relationship: 4 years

TLDR: Girlfriend got close again with a male friend and plans to hang out with him. I need help with exact ways to communicate my discomfort and boundaries without causing conflict.