u/Inevitable-Act2197

My 10 months old boy is no more with us. He was the best best baby. He was a toy poodle. We live in a secluded area, moved here 6 months back. I heard about wild animals around but where I live it was pretty much safe. Lately he started being stubborn about going out so I used to take him but I was busy studying for a crucial exam so I would tell my helper to take care of him. Monday morning, I sent him down and called my helper to make sure he is taken care of. I told him to drop him back in 20 mins. He told me he will. I heard his footsteps after a while so I assumed he Henry is back and just sitting in the balcony. I go out the door was open and he was not there. I begin searching, my husband called other helpers and it was raining. I began searching at 9 and I was out when someone told me madam he is lying dead there. I ran and it was just near the end of my lane, on a little downslope. I had searched that area but didn't look properly i guess. Some animal bit him bad and he was no more. I literally died there I feel. I took him to the hospital but he was no more. He was the perfect baby. I know I am responsible for being careless. He started going out often and I would let him assuming he'll be back. I am so so ashamed and sorry. I was not supposed to rely on someone yet I was selfish and lazy I feel. I will never forgive myself for what happened to my baby. I hate myself. My sweet sweet boy was so full of life. I still think about how he must have been in pain and died alone while it was raining. I can't forgive myself. Any suggestions how to deal with this. Please