Was this domestic violence?
My husband was slamming doors, hitting furniture, and I ended up with a bleeding nose. Was this domestic violence?
My husband and I have been married for a few years and have been together for much longer. We were living abroad and going through an extremely stressful period. He was struggling professionally and dealing with a lot of rejection and uncertainty around work. His confidence took a significant hit, and over time he became increasingly anxious, frustrated, and emotionally volatile. At the same time, I was dealing with my own academic and personal pressures.
One day, during an argument, he became extremely angry. He was shouting, slamming cabinet doors, banging doors, and hitting furniture. I repeatedly asked him to stop because it was frightening and upsetting. He didn't. At one point, while I was sitting at a desk, he came closer to me and continued banging and hitting things around me. I told him multiple times to stop. Instead of calming down or creating distance, he continued escalating while I was sitting there. That part is important because it made me feel trapped and unsafe, not just uncomfortable.
Then he picked up a bottle that was on the table. I became alarmed and tried to take it away from him. During the struggle over the bottle, it hit my nose and I started bleeding. I was shocked and ran into another room crying. He seemed shocked too and followed me, apologizing and crying himself.
This happened a few years ago, but I still think about it. What makes it confusing for me is that I do not believe he intended to physically injure me. He was clearly overwhelmed, angry, and out of control, and I could see that he was struggling. At the same time, the injury happened because of his actions, and his behavior before the injury made me feel genuinely unsafe.
He does not consider this domestic violence. His position is that it was an accident that occurred during a moment of extreme stress and loss of control. I also don't feel like he ever fully acknowledged the fear I experienced that day. By the following day, the attitude was more or less that he had apologized, that the injury was accidental, and that I should move on.
Would you consider this a domestic violence incident, even if the injury itself was not intentional? How much weight would you give to the shouting, intimidation, slamming doors, hitting objects, and continuing to escalate after being repeatedly asked to stop? And how would you think about this in the context of an otherwise loving relationship?