I can’t tell if I’m in an abusive relationship or if we are just a terrible match
Earlier today my partner and I had an argument after I asked him to clean the toilet before leaving for a skate event. The toilet and house were already in a very unhygienic state after he had been home sick all week.
My partner is an injury recidivist and is on accident compensation.
Before the argument there had already been tension, however, He asked to borrow my car for several hours because his own car has been without registration for months, which I agreed to.
During a goodbye hug he grabbed my hat and scalp roughly to move the peak away from his face, which hurt. He stated that my hat was stabbing him in the face and questioned why I was wearing it, and I replied that he was also wearing a hat. When I reacted to the pain he dismissed it by saying “don’t make a thing of this.”
After I later asked him to clean the toilet (piss on floor, under the seat) before leaving, the argument escalated. He became highly reactive, swearing and saying things like “fuck this,” “fuck life,” and expressing that he didn’t want to be alive. I made a comment that if he feels like that he probably needs antidepressants too because I am actively trying to work on my own emotional regulation and mental health. He reacted by saying “yeah well fucking chill then.”
I then disengaged from the argument and went outside. When I returned, he apologised and said he had become overstimulated and stressed because he was running late. I responded that being asked to clean the toilet should never lead to that type of reaction. I did not continue escalating the conversation after that. Shut down, crying quietly once he left and feel physically sick.
Reading this, it sounds awful.
I know I should leave but where I live is in a terrible housing crisis and I can’t find alternative housing.
I do not have any parents, so that’s not an option.