So I (35F) read something I shouldn’t and I need Reddits advice/judgement.
So my father (74M), is signed onto outlook on my computer. He has autism, and needs extra help with certain things like technology. Not saying that this is the case for other people on the spectrum, just one of his/ refuses to do new and uncomfortable things.
Before I could close it I saw a concerning email from my SIL, my brother is an alcoholic and needs help.
I couldn’t peel away and snooped I read the one, and then more, and more.
Why? Some back story is required.
My brother is nonfunctioning autistic. Diagnosed back in middle school and had to attend a specialized school. Since moving in with my dad, he has been addicted from one drug to the next to the next. My father has supported his addictions, housed him for free, showed up at his job (paper boy)just so my brother could get a paycheck, bought him five cars, etc.
Originally, it was so bad that my husband and I intervened. They didn’t talk for years, my brother got some help from my mom, and eventually connected to his wife.
While my brother did that, my father and I bought a home together, and we now live together with my husband and kids. My dad is my best friend and because of his social awkwardness, doesn’t have any friends outside of work/ home. He goes to church and teaches (impressive right? Considering his age), but never made any relationships with anyone outside the home. He gets caught up in his routine and ritualistic behaviors, which kills a lot of time. So we created a small family so he never feels alone/ manage to help with some of his tics.
Last year, my brother came back into his life. I did not want to talk to my brother after he called my child an abomination, but said if he has changed and turn over a new leaf I would consider forgiving and moving forward.
He seems normal, he got married, and was going to church. Just couldn’t work.
During the marriage my husband (who is an officer) marked a few red flags. One the smell, the tics like yelling “speed bump” whenever the car approached one, the weight, etc.
My husband said he needs help.
This idea was shut down.
To speed this up, since the marriage last year, my dad has paid for my brother to go back to school (private instruction), has done his online school work for him (so he can pass), gave him a new car and now is talking about giving him another car.
Also, did I mention he just gave them 40k for a down payment on a new home. He had me do the transfer for him because he wanted them to have a newly wed gift.
My dad is suppose to see him this summer, I have told him I strongly do not advise him traveling alone. He’s 74 turning 75 soon, he does not own a cellphone. Has no clue how airport work and my husband went with him to help him navigate it last time,etc.
I told my brother, his wife, and my father about this but it has fallen in death ears.
Now to have seen this email. It feels like the cycle from years ago. My brother being a leach. My father working more to support him, and doing reckless things like traveling half way across the country alone.
My father has no one else, he never dated after my mom left, has no social circle, etc. he just has us.
So AITAH for reading everything? The papers, the talk of the car and the date of title transfer, the alcohol use, etc.
Before the verdict to verify:
My SIL confessed my brother was an alcoholic, but in her letter they asked him not to tell my husband and I. My dad promised keep helping them financially and not tell us anything.
Even after the verdict, I am here for advice, so please help.