I’m queer and my partner is a trans woman. Since she started transitioning, I’ve been feeling less attracted to her. Please don’t get me wrong I love her so much. I care about her deeply, I don’t even look at anyone else. But since she’s become more feminine, I don’t desire her the same way I used to.
I’m pansexual, and I thought this wouldn’t be a problem for me, because I don’t focus much on bodies, more on style and personality. But she became very feminine more submissive and soft and her clothing style changed a lot too. It’s been confusing me.
I’ve always been attracted to all kinds of people, but I’ve caught myself looking at her old photos and missing that version of her, even admiring it… and that makes me feel like a horrible person. I also feel really alone, especially because she has very low self-esteem, and I feel like I could never talk to her about this. And I do love her I feel like that should be enough.
Another thing that doesn’t help is that she talks about her transition literally 24/7. I’m not exaggerating she talks about it for like 15 hours a day. We don’t really talk about anything else anymore. We don’t watch movies or videos about other things, it’s always about being trans. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I try to support her and respond in the sweetest, most positive way I can, but honestly… it gets a bit exhausting.
I miss when she had lots of different topics to talk about. I used to find her really interesting and intelligent. Now it’s mostly about makeup and clothes, and she gets upset if I try to change the subject.
She’s about to start hormones, and that’s making my anxiety worse. If I’m already feeling less attraction now, when not that much has changed yet, I’m scared it will get worse and I’ll lose attraction completely.
And that hurts, because we have plans to get married and live together.
She’s opened up to me before and said her biggest fear is that I’ll stop being attracted to her. That makes me feel like a monster, because I know how much this would hurt her. So I feel like I have no one to talk to.
I tried talking to a friend and they said it was transphobia. I don’t want to be like that. I feel really bad. I just want to know if anyone here has gone through something similar, and what you did. Is it possible to develop sexual and physical attraction again to your partner, even if they’re no longer the same person you originally fell in love with?