u/Inevitable-Slice7239

I’ve said before that my father is an Elder and mother is a Reg. Pioneer, with all of these titles they really push my sister and i to be “spiritually strong”. At meetings i do my parts, i sing the songs, i comment, i study (not really) and try to look as involved as i can.
At times it’s so difficult to stand on my own, during the “family worships” we do every week, it’s hard to sit there and keep reading these same bs articles all the time. The letters jump out at me and i read them and read them and sometimes i wish i could be what my parents wanted.
At times what my parents and family say, as well as the congregation and borg say get to me. It’s difficult since im not an adult and only recently denounced everything, but it feels impossible at times to get all of these sick ideas out of my head. The guilt consumes me at times and i have break downs and panic attacks and feel like this is the end. Not to mention how my parents keep reminding us about the “end” and to always be prepared which honestly makes everything worse.
i wish there was a switch off button to stop myself from still being affected by all that has been pushed on me. Does this feeling ever go away?