u/Inevitable-Turnip736

I've been hypersexual since a very young age, since before I even knew what sex was. I would touch myself, have strong urges and fantasies from a very young age.. and I have no idea why. I feel like someone did something bad to me and I've had this feeling for a while.

My dad basically had a corn addiction. I found explicit things multiple times in his phone when I was younger, like videos and pictures and stuff... so i've been exposed to these things. But even before I've always felt uncomfortable around him, I hated whenever he touched me and I hated being around him but most of all I hated having physical contact with him.

I don't know if he would ever do anything to me or if he did do something when I was a child that I can't remember, but if something did happen to me then I have a strong feeling it was him. He is not an active part of my life anymore he left when I was 10 and all the memories I do have with him are very hazy, I only have some vivid memories and they're not very good ones.

Does anyone else feel like something happened to them but they just can't remember? I have no idea how I ended up so hypersexual from such a young age and i've always felt uncomfortable around my dad, from his touch, and saw explicit things numerous times on his phone.

I feel like it's all my fault. I'm a 16 year old girl, when I was around 13-14 I developed some really bad coping mechanisms. I struggle with thoughts about commiting and self harm whenever things go slightly bad, but worse of all I seek comfort from random older men online. It makes me feel awful, it makes me feel like a slut and I hate it but I love the validation I get.

When I was around 13 ish years old I found this site online where you could talk to people anonymously, over there it was literally just a whole bunch of old men and they would ask me for my nudes and stuff, which, I sent them. I don't know why I did it, I felt so bad about myself after and also kind of scared, but whenever things would go wrong in my personal life I would immediately go on that site and talk to those random men, send them my nudes, dirty talk with them, etc. It felt validating when they complimented me on my body. I started doing this at around 13 and it got very frequent last summer, when I was 15. I would do it a lot then because my life was awful then and talking to them, sending to them, would just take my mind off things and fill me with a sense of validation I could not recieve anywhere else.

Most of them did not ask me for my age. If they did, I would lie to them and say I was older than I was. Which is why I feel like everything's my fault. I feel like a slut for going on these sites hoping those men would prey on me and ask to see my body, its like I wanted this to happen to me. I don't know why the hell I did it or what the hell is wrong with me. I just feel like its all my fault. Nobody in my life knows that I did this, so its just a big secret. I don't want to tell anyone about it because I genuinely do think its all my fault and I wanted this to happen to me, because why else would I say yes to sending my nudes and giving them whatever they asked for.

I just want someone to tell me if it's my fault or why I did it or whats wrong with me. Genuinely.

My dad has some sort of an alcohol issue, whenever he drinks he gets totally out of control and my mom HATES it, all their arguments are about his drinking issues but for some reason he won't change. He's a good man, but I don't know why he does this. Plus, after they argue my dad falls into this "depressive state" where he just locks himself in his room and doens't come out, he won't shower, he barely eats and he just stays in there sleeping or watching something. He literally will not talk to ANYONE for as long as he is in this state, which is usually 3-4 days after my parents have an argument. I feel bad for him, I try to talk to him because he doesn't have anyone to talk to but it's just so hard to communicate with him.

My mom also falls into a state of sadness except she just won't stop complaining about my dad. Every single time I try to mention something good about him she just says "Oh you're so young you won't understand, I don't want to break your heart because he's still your dad" and then goes on talking about how awful he is, and yes sure he can be immature sometimes but my mom just drags it and drags it on for so long when he is also struggling as well. Plus, my mom has a bunch of friends and people to talk to which my dad does not have.

Anyway, my parents had this argument last week because my dad came back home around 1 a.m after going out to drink and my mom was super pissed because he ruined everyones weekend. It's been a week and my mom's birthday is tomorrow and my dad is acting better now, less depressive. My dad bought her a bunch of gifts and my mom was saying how she wasn't going to accept anything and just return it all, going on to complain about my dad and how he hurts her feelings and how she "forgives but never forgets" I know my dad is trying to make things more normal and sort it out but it's like my mom won't let it happen.

This is such a common issue. It happens literally all the time, they always get into arguments, my dad falls into his depressive state, my mom tries to vent out to me and gets mad if i'm not there for her like all the time. I know it might not sound that bad but when it happens it feels awful, nobody in our house talks, its dead silent, both my parents are depressed and I have to be like the mediator. I also have no one to talk to about my family issues. I don't lnow what to do.

i dont even know how to describe it i just wish someone could hold me and comfort me, my life is so ass right now and i genuinely dont have anyone to talk to it about. ive been having suicidal thoughts, doing sh, but i dont even know why. like i know my life is ass right now but sometimes its good but when its bad its bad like right now or am i being dramatic idfk.