Am I The Asshole for being mad that my husband won’t buy a house with me because the apartment "isn't clean enough"?
I (29F) have been with my husband (29M) for 10 years. We have a beautiful two-year-old daughter together, and we both work full-time—I am a school teacher, and he works for a private road construction company.
Because his income is significantly higher than mine, we have a financial arrangement: he pays the rent on our two-bedroom apartment, and in exchange, I cover all the utilities, groceries, hygiene products, and household supplies.
The problem? He believes that because he pays the rent, keeping the entire home clean is 100% my job.
When he is home, it honestly feels like having a second child. He never washes dishes, does laundry, or cleans a single thing. Yet, he constantly complains that the apartment is a mess. When I bring up our goal of buying a house, he shuts it down and says, "How do you expect me to buy us a home if you can’t even keep a two-bedroom apartment clean?"
Here is the context he seems to completely ignore: Our daughter has autism.
When I am not at work, my entire schedule is consumed by taking her to therapy appointments, managing her care, and attending meetings. Because of his work schedule, he has never attended a single one; I handle 100% of it. On top of working full-time and managing her care, I am also in school part-time trying to finish my degree.
By the time I get home and crawl into bed, I am physically, mentally, and emotionally depleted. Because I am running on empty, I am rarely in the mood for sex. Now, he’s furious about that, too. He tells me he refuses to be in a "sexless marriage" and constantly asks me "what is wrong" with me.
I feel like I am drowning. I am working, studying, parenting a high-needs toddler, and running a household entirely by myself, while he gets to clock out of his job and relax.
Am I the asshole for being mad that he won't move forward with a house, and for simply wanting some help?