I dont really want to live anymore after trying to recover
after years of trying to recover my life has not really progressed at all and has only gotten worse. I made no progress academically and have been on academic probation more than once while pursuing the college degree I initially decided I would recover for. after being a failure in life, having nothing going for me without my eating disorder, having no relationships left, and bearing witness to human nature when I was obviously disordered (everyone being rude and callous and not caring or noticing at all unless they could somehow exploit or guilt-trip me with the knowledge) I pretty much dont want to live anymore after trying to recover and have barely been able to find reason to live for years at this point. the only thing I am looking forward to is being in a nasa program this summer. I purged several times recently after resisting doing it for like 9 months because being alive is just boring and depressing period. I think having an eating disorder at all just exposed for me how bad life and human beings actually are when beforehand I actually had some hope that some people are good